


Into the new

by belomisheart



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Nina hates Ricky, Nini is called Nina, Rini - relationship, She doesn't have friends and meets everyone at the art school, Slow Burn, They're doing Mamma Mia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:39:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 32,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23987509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belomisheart/pseuds/belomisheart
Summary: Nina Salazar-Roberts transfers to the Youth Arts Conservatory where she meets Ricky Bowen, whom she instantly hates, and becomes friends with the theatre kids.
Relationships: Ricky Bowen & Nini Salazar-Roberts, Ricky Bowen/Nini Salazar-Roberts
Comments: 47
Kudos: 164





	1. How it began

**Author's Note:**

> I just had this idea for a Rini fic, and now here we are! I'll update as often as I can. If you enjoy reading this, comments are always appreciated!  
> xx  
> Ailey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more a prologue to set the scene than a first chapter. Normal chapters will be longer!  
> Enjoy :)  
> xx  
> Ailey

The _Youth Arts Conservatory_ is a very selective school. So it was kind of a shock for Nina Salazar-Roberts when she got in. In the middle of her Junior year. The recruiter was quite clear when she told her the news after the musical: “We don’t usually just take students in the middle of the year, but I convinced the principle that you would be an incredible asset. She agreed on the condition that you start after Christmas break. I can’t guarantee you that you’ll still have a spot if you wait till next year.”  
That had left Nina speechless. She knew she was the one who had contacted the school, but she wasn’t expecting to _actually_ get in,especially not on such short notice. The recruiter had left after giving her a card with her number on it. “I really hope to hear from you soon.”  
Now Nina was sitting in the back seat of her mom’s car, and she couldn’t help smiling.  
“I can’t believe it. This is so awesome, Nina! We’re really proud of you,” one of her moms, Dana, said.  
“Are you having second-thoughts?” her other mom, Carol, asked.  
Nina thought about it for a bit. It would definitely be weird to leave East High after studying there for two years and a half, but she would be okay with it. She didn’t really have any close friends there, although she sometimes hung out with the other theatre kids. And she had fun with the musical, but it didn’t help her create unbreakable bounds with other people as she was hoping it would. No, really, nothing in East High was holding her back.  
The perspective of leaving her moms was more difficult. The _Youth Arts Conservatory_ was a boarding school, everyone slept on the grounds. That was a good thing considering it wasn’t anywhere near Salt Lake City, but in Chicago. She could only come home for school breaks. That idea made her sad, but the prospect of staying at East High was somehow worse. Her life was just so bland and boring here. She wanted it to be more exciting, and transferring to an art school seemed like a good way to begin.  
“No,” she finally answered her moms. “I really want to go. Is that okay?”  
“Of course it’s okay, sweetheart. As long as it makes you happy,” Dana replied.  
“I’m sure it will,” Nina said with a smile.

That night when she came home, Nina looked around her room and realised with surprise that she was okay with leaving. It was crazy, but she could just _feel_ that she would be happier in Chicago. That she would make friends and become the person she always wanted to be – which was herself, but a version of herself she could only become by being surrounded with the right people. She was suddenly so excited to start a new life that she started packing right away.  
Then she realised she only had to leave in a week or so, and she laughed at her own eagerness.

When she finally went to bed, she fell asleep with one of her own songs in her mind. She had written it a few weeks ago, just after finding out about the _Youth Arts Conservatory_.

_Take me out of the old  
And into the new  
Cause I wanna go  
I wanna go_

_Just take me_


	2. Fresh start

It was a view to take in. East High was already a pretty impressive school, but it was nothing compared to the magnificence of the Youth Arts Conservatory. The main building was several stories high, but what impressed Nina the most was all the large windows. Weren’t they scared students would look outside during lessons instead of listening to the teacher? But then again, it _was_ a special school, and even though they had to take mandatory classes like Algebra or English, most of their schedule was filled with exciting activities.

Nina checked her own timetable on her phone. She had classes such as Music, Drama or even Dance, one hour a week for each. She had to choose the one she wanted to specialise in and was still hesitating between Music, which would allow her to improve her singing and piano skills, and Drama. Either way, she was hoping to be cast in one of the school’s musicals – she had read that there were several productions each semester.

But for the time being, Nina had to drop her suitcase at her dorm and get to first period (which was History). So she put her phone in her back pocket, took a deep breath and walked towards the school, determined to have a good – no, a _great_ – first day.

The first thing she noticed when she walked in was the movement. _So many people_ , she thought. The hallway was large, but she still had to avoid running into the students who were in a rush.  
The second thing she noticed was the noise. It was almost deafening. She really didn’t like it – she had a sensitive hearing – but she figured it was because of the usual excitement of the first day back after Christmas Break.

She made her way to the reception after asking her way to the first stranger who was walking slowly enough for her to accost them.  
“Hello, my name is Nina Salazar-Roberts, I’m a new student here,” she said to the receptionist.  
He looked up and smiled at her. “Right, _the_ new student. Welcome!”  
Nina allowed herself to breathe. He seemed nice and disposed to help her.  
“I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do,” she started before quickly correcting herself, “Well, I was told to come here to get the key to my dorm and maybe a map of the school?”  
The man laughed a little. “I can sense how nervous you are. Don’t worry, everything is going to be fine.”  
Then he told her all the things she needed to know – he talked so fast it made Nina feel dizzy.

Five minutes later, she was still trying to remember everything he had said, typing as much of it as she could on her phone’s notes. In the end she got the main points, which was that she had to go to her room to drop off her things and then get to class. Thankfully, he had given her a map.

Fifteen minutes later, after getting lost twice and leaving her suitcase in her room, Nina was now making her way to her locker. To her surprise, it was even trickier than finding her dorm. She wandered in the hallway for ten good minutes before finally finding what she was looking for – locker 465. She was walking closer to it when something – someone – bumped into her so violently that her bag fell on the floor. Her mouth wide-open in shock, she looked behind her, expecting to see the person who had done this apologise and help her with her things. But the person – a brown-haired boy – didn’t even look back. Offended, she picked up her bag and got back to her locker.  
 _If everyone here is half as bad as this guy, then I’m going to have a very fun year_ , she thought while opening it.  
And could you blame her? What kind of person doesn’t even _look back_? She hadn’t seen his face, only his curly hair, blue sweater and the skateboard he was carrying.  
“Everything okay?”  
Nina instinctively turned her head to the voice.  
“Huh?”  
“I saw that guy bumping into you,” the voice said again. It belonged to the girl who apparently owned the locker next to Nina’s.  
“Yeah, I can’t believe he didn’t even apologise,” Nina answered.  
“Well, some people are like that. Maybe he was in a rush. You’ll find out soon enough that everyone here is always in a rush.”  
The conversation was about to die down as Nina didn’t add anything – she didn’t want to say anything stupid to the first person who was talking to her voluntarily. But then the girl spoke again: “I’m Kourtney, by the way.”  
“Oh, hi. Nina.”  
They shook hands, which made Nina giggle.  
“I’m new,” she added.  
“Oh, I know. Everyone has been talking about you in the school’s group chats. We usually don’t get new students in the middle of the school year.”  
Nina frowned and started looking concerned. She didn’t want to be ‘the new girl’ or anything like that. If people knew about her and had been talking about her, then they already had expectations. Whether they were bad or good, Nina didn’t want them. She wanted to start fresh. No expectations, just… her true self.  
“Girl, I’m kidding,” Kourtney said when she saw the look on her face. “Not that I would know anyway, because I’m not in any of the group chats. But I personally only heard about you a few minutes ago.”  
Nina sighed in relief and laughed nervously.  
“Oh, okay. That’s good.”  
Maybe she still had her chance at a fresh start.  
“It’s true that we don’t get new students in the middle of the school year, though,” the girl added, “so you must be very special.”  
“Well, I don’t know about special...” Nina said, blushing.  
“Okay, you’re shy,” Kourtney said in a playful tone. “We’ll have to do something about that.”  
The two girls smiled at each other for a few seconds.  
Then Nina checked her watch.  
“I’d better get to class,” she said. “Do you know where room...” she looked at her phone, “220A is?”  
“Yeah, second floor, fifth room on the left.”  
“Thanks, Kourtney.”  
“No problem. See you later?”  
Nina nodded, and Kourtney left, heading in the opposite direction.

Nina allowed herself to think that maybe everything would be alright after all. She had known that making her first friend would be the hardest part – because she wasn’t good at making friends and didn’t have any at her old school, and because it’s always hard to find your place in a new school where everyone already knows each other.  
But Kourtney had talked to her, and she had said ‘See you later.’ That was good.   
Nina kept herself from immediately texting her moms.

It was almost lunch time and Nina was so hungry. She had been sitting in her last class before break for only ten minutes, but it seemed like hours. Algebra really wasn’t her favourite subject. The teacher was done welcoming everyone back and was already starting to get to work.   
She hadn’t acknowledged Nina’s presence, and Nina didn’t know if that was because she didn’t care or because she hadn’t realised there was a new student in her class. She was betting on the latter.

Nina had just opened her notebook and was looking for her pen in her bag when someone hastily knocked on the door and it flew open.  
“I’m so sorry I’m late, Ms. Harris,” a masculine voice said, “I was, um… In the bathroom?”  
For some reason everyone laughed at this and Nina looked up to see who the latecomer was – well, what he looked like, because she didn’t expect to recognise him.   
But…  
The blue sweater.  
The curly brown hair.  
He looked a lot like the guy who had ran into her a few hours before.  
Her gaze dropped to his hand. Which was holding a skateboard. And now she was sure of it.  
If she already hated him for what had happened earlier, being late surely didn’t help his case. She hated it when people were late – unless they had a very good reason, of course. Otherwise it just meant they didn’t care enough to be on time.

“Ricky Bowen,” the teacher said, “Being ‘in the bathroom’ is not a valid excuse and you know it.” She sighed. “But it’s the first day and I’m feeling generous. Go sit down. And you better be careful not to disturb my class any more than you already have.”  
“Thanks Miss, I won’t,” he answered, sounding genuinely sorry.  
 _I don’t buy it._  
He then swiftly made his way to… Nina’s desk.   
He frowned when he saw her.  
“That’s my spot,” he just said.  
He didn’t seem to recognise her from earlier. That wasn’t surprising considering he probably hadn’t even looked at her.  
“Well, I’m here, so-”  
“What’s the matter, Ricky?” the teacher interrupted, her voice sounding annoyed and a bit angry.  
All the eyes turned on them and Nina felt herself blush.  
“There’s a stranger sitting on my chair, Miss,” he simply said. Stating a fact.

Ms. Harris finally set her gaze on Nina and she frowned for a few seconds before opening her eyes wide as realisation hit her.  
“Of course! The new student! I am _so_ sorry, I completely forgot,” she said as she made her way to her desk, frantically looking through all her papers.  
Nina didn’t dare say a word. She felt Ricky staring at her with curiosity but she didn’t move, not to look at him nor to give in her spot.  
“Nina Salazar!” the teacher finally said, proudly holding a paper which could only have been information on the new student.  
“Um...” the latter said shyly. “It’s Salazar- _Roberts_.”  
Ms. Santiago double-checked.  
“Yes, right. Nina Salazar-Roberts. Sorry. Well, welcome. I see on your record that you have satisfying grades in Algebra. That’s good.”  
She went silent for a few seconds, reading all the information she needed to know. Students in the room started chatting discreetly, sometimes throwing glances at Nina, who was just sitting there, blushing.

“Hey, Nini-” Ricky finally said to her.  
“My name is _Nina_ ,” she cut him.  
Her voice was harsh, which she almost immediately regretted ( _almost_ ) because his tone showed he hadn’t meant it in a mean way. He probably had misheard her name. Although, _Nini_? How common is that?  
Then Nina remembered how he had acted in the hallway, and she decided she didn’t feel sorry at all.   
“Would you mind moving to the desk in the front row?” he said, a little confused. “I usually sit here.”  
His tone wasn’t condescending or threatening. No, on the contrary, he was being quite polite. But there was _no way_ Nina was sitting front row, especially not on her first day, and the fact that Ricky had just asked her to do so triggered the anger she already had in her.  
She knew it wasn’t a good idea to make enemies so soon. Well, making enemies was never a good idea, especially for Nina who was (usually) a very sweet and loving person. But something about the way the boy thought he could just knock her over like a toy and then ask her to move sits made her so mad.  
“I’m not moving. Find another spot,” she said, barely hiding the anger in her tone.  
Clearly he hadn’t expected such a comeback, but now Ms. Harris was getting impatient and he decided against arguing for a stupid spot at the back of the classroom.

Ten minutes after the bell had rung, Nina was standing in the middle of the cafeteria, tray in hand. She was _so _hungry that she considered just sitting on the floor, but decided against it. There would be no going back from doing such a thing on her first day. Especially since she was very aware that people looked at her more than they should have. It wasn’t unbearable, but she noticed a few students turning back in the hallways to stare at her, and she heard some hushed conversation which undeniably contained the words “new girl” in them. To her contentment, no one acted like they had her figured out. It felt more like they were waiting for her to do something that would allow them to make their own opinion of her. So Nina didn’t mind that much, because that was exactly what she wanted. A blank page.__

__But in the meantime, that situation meant no one had really talked to her – other than Kourtney, of course, Ricky and her teachers – and she had no one to sit with at lunch. Which wouldn’t have been a problem if she could have found a spot in the cafeteria that was at least a little bit isolated from all the already existing groups of friends._ _

__She was starting to feel dizzy – she really needed to eat – when someone stopped next to her. She turned her face to find Kourtney smiling at her.  
“Come on, girl,” she said. “You look like you’re going to faint.”  
Nina just smiled and followed her apparently new friend to a secluded table at the other end of the lunch room.  
“Thanks,” she finally said once she was seated. “I was starting to think I would have to eat while standing.”  
“Well, did I tell you I’d see you later or did I not?” Kourtney asked with a playful tone.  
“You did,” Nina answered, smiling, “but I didn’t know if you actually meant it.”  
“Of course I meant it! I know what it’s like to be new. I got your back.”  
Kourtney was really turning out to be the best thing Nina could have asked for. She made her first so much day easier._ _

__

__In the end, Nina managed to make it through the day. Although, she had had Drama right after lunch, and it had been a total failure. The teacher had been a harsh on her. Of course she understood that she had to prove herself, to show everyone that she had earned her spot in this elite school. But the teacher had expected her to catch up with the rest of the class, on a play they had been working on _for weeks_ , in just a few minutes. That was impossible, obviously, especially since she was still trying to figure out her classmates names – she had recognised a few from other lessons – and to understand the class’s dynamic.   
So it had been a disaster, of course, which was a shame because the rest of her day had (mostly) been okay._ _

__As she was making her way to her dorm a few hours later, she couldn’t get that Drama incident out of her mind. All she could think about was what she should have done instead of just standing there, frozen as the teacher told her to move and to get in place. Of course she didn’t know where she was supposed to stand, but she should have asked, or she should have made her way to where there seemed to be an empty spot. Overall, she should have tried harder. She had let panic get the better of her. So much for good first impressions.  
She’d have to do better next time. She didn’t care if that meant staying up all night to learn her lines.  
“Finally, you’re here,” a voice greeted her as she entered her room.  
It took Nina a few seconds to understand that it belonged to the girl who had just gotten up from the bed in front of her.  
Of course. This was a boarding school. She had a _roommate_.  
She felt so stupid for forgetting about that. Especially since she had been to the room that same morning and had _seen_ the two beds.  
 _So much for staying up all night to learn my lines_ , she thought.  
Realising she hadn’t said anything yet, Nina started introducing herself while quickly putting her bag down and holding out her hand to the girl.  
“Hi. I’m sorry, um… I’m Nina,” she said.  
The girl, ignoring Nina’s hand, was already halfway to the door. She checked her phone.  
“Whatever, I have to go. Don’t mess with my side of the room.”  
She seemed to be in a hurry, which confused Nina and made her feel unwelcome and unimportant. She had hoped to get along with her roommate.  
 _Think of Kourtney_ , she reminded herself as she felt the humiliation of being completely ignored rising. _Kourtney is nice, she’s your friend. You don’t need anyone else._  
That allowed her to think clearly enough to remember that her roommate hadn’t even introduced herself.  
She was already in the hallway when Nina called out to her from the door.  
“Hey! What’s your name?”  
She was speaking loud, afraid the girl wouldn’t hear her.  
But she did.  
“Gina,” she just said, not turning back._ _

__She was walking so fast that Nina wondered if she was eager to get to where she was going or if she just wanted to spent as little time as possible with her new roommate._ _

__

__By the end of the week, she was starting to get used to the place. After her first Music class on Thursday, she had decided to specialise in that subject, because it was definitely better than Drama. Nina was a good student so she didn’t struggle much with the other classic classes. The teachers were starting to remember her name and she hadn’t done anything to embarrass herself ever since her Drama class, which was good. What was even better though was the fact that she had barely seen Ricky Bowen all week. They only shared three classes – Algebra, English and Music – and she hadn’t seen him outside of those. She thought he would have been a disruptive kid, but he was actually very quiet. He never talked, never did anything that would draw attention on him. So it was easy for Nina to just pretend that he didn’t exist._ _

__More important than that stupid boy, Kourtney and her were officially friends. They’d spend lunch time together and Kourtney would often walk Nina to her classes - “I wouldn’t want you to get lost!” she had said once._ _

__So, Nina was starting to get the hang of it. The one thing – person – she couldn’t figure out was Gina. They were roommate, and yet it really didn’t feel like it. The time they had been together in the same room that week (while being awake) probably didn’t exceed one hour.  
It was unusual for Gina to be in the dorm when Nina would arrive after classes, and she would usually come back quite late. Most of the time Nina was already asleep.  
 _This girl has no idea what a curfew is, does she?_ she wondered.  
They were supposed to be in their room before 9pm each night, and she knew people were watching the hallways. She had no idea how it was possible to sneak out so often and never get caught.  
So, Gina’s questionable schedule meant they would only briefly cross path in the morning. After that, she would disappear all day. It wasn’t surprising that they didn’t share any classes, though, because Gina was a Sophomore (which was one of the only thing Nina knew about her roommate, and she had only found out because she had seen her school books lying around.)_ _

__All in all, it wasn’t a bad first week. Not at all.  
“It’s actually going really well,” Nina had told her moms on the phone. “I made a friend, Kourtney. And the classes are cool.”  
Nothing would have made Carol and Dana Salazar-Roberts happier than hearing those words.  
Once the phone call was over, they had looked at each other in the eye for a few seconds before Dana had said, with both pride and surprise, “She made a friend. She never made friends before.”  
To which Carol had only replied “I know,” and they had hugged._ _

__It was now Friday evening, and Nina was hanging out with Kourtney in the study room (where no one was really studying, because it was Friday night).  
“Can I ask you a question?” Nina asked after they had had a quite heated argument about who was the best character in _Brooklyn 99_. Nina was defending Amy, because she related to her on a spiritual level, but Kourtney was all for Rosa. The conversation had ended when they had both agreed that, regardless of who the best character was, the Amy/Rosa duo was the most iconic in the show.  
“Sure,” Kourtney answered, inviting Nina to ask her question.  
“What did you mean when you said that you knew what it was like to be the new kid? You know, when we ate lunch together on Monday.”  
“This is my first year here,” she said. “I arrived for the beginning of Junior year. And you’ve probably noticed, but I didn’t manage to make any friends.”  
Nina poked her gently in the ribs.  
“You have me now,” she said with a smile.  
Kourtney couldn’t help smiling back.  
“You know, you might have thought you were so lucky, making a friend on your first day, but truly I was the lucky one.”  
Something about the way she said it made Nina’s heart ache. Kourtney had a playful tone, but Nina recognised the hurt in her voice. She related to it, because she had felt like that all her life. Until now.  
She couldn’t fight the urge to hug her new friend.  
“I think we were both lucky that day,” she just said._ _

__They stayed silent for a few minutes, which allowed Nina to – unintentionally – overhear the conversation some girls were having behind them.  
“So, have you decided which one you’re going to audition for?” one of them was asking the other.  
“No,” a familiar voice said. Gina. “I’m still hesitating between _Grease_ and _Mamma Mia!_.”  
Nina shifted slightly on her chair. They were talking about musicals.  
“I mean,” Gina continued, “I’d love to see a black girl play Sandy – especially if that girl is me – but I want to be in _Mamma Mia!_ so bad. I honestly still can’t believe they’re letting us do it. It’s _so_ sexual.”  
“I know! I heard it took Ms. Jenn _weeks_ to convince the principal, and she had to agree on cutting some scenes and inappropriate lines.”  
“God, she must really love that musical.”  
“Yeah. So, you’d go for Sophie?” her friend asked.  
“I think I’d go for Donna, actually. She’s way funnier than Sophie. And she has more songs.”  
“You’ll be amazing either way.”  
At that Nina stopped listening. The one thing she truly wanted was to be a part of the one of the school’s musicals. She loved acting and singing, and putting the two together was just her favourite thing. She knew there were several productions staged each semester – maybe three? this was an art school, after all – but she hadn’t heard anything about it so far.  
“Hey, Kourt?”  
“Hum?”  
“What can you tell me about the upcoming musicals the school is doing?”  
That seemed to wake her up.  
“Right! They were supposed to make an announcement about that today! I can’t believe I forgot.”  
“Well, do you know were we can get the info?”  
Kourtney was about to answer, but Gina – who also had unintentionally overheard their conversation – beat her to it.  
“There are posters in the main hall.”  
Nina turned around, and, from the look on Gina’s face, she understood that her roommate hadn’t recognised her.  
“Oh, hey Nina. Didn’t realise you were interested in musicals.”  
Nina kept for herself a bitter comment about how Gina hadn’t exactly taken the time to get to know to her.  
“Yeah, I really like musicals,” she said instead.  
“Cool,” Gina smiled. “Maybe I’ll see you at the auditions then.”_ _

__After that, Nina and Kourtney had quickly gotten up and were now making their way to the main hall.  
“I hadn’t realised Gina Porter was your roommate,” Kourtney said as they were walking.  
“Well, I didn’t even know her last name until you said it twelve seconds ago. Do you know her well?”  
“Oh, no, nothing like that. She just has a reputation, I guess.”  
That made Nina frown. She didn’t know much about Gina, but she didn’t seem like a bad person.  
“A _bad_ reputation?” she asked.  
“No, no. She’s very talented is what I mean. She’s only a Sophomore and she has already starred in three of the school’s musicals. As the lead.”  
Nina wanted to ask more, but they had reached the main hall and were now in front of four posters that announced the musicals.  
 _Grease_ and _Mamma Mia!_ were there, which didn’t surprise Nina since Gina and her friend had just been talking about it. The other two were _West Side Story_ – too dark for her – and _High School Musical_.  
“I can’t believe it,” she chuckled.  
“What?”  
“ _High School Musical_. I was Gabriella in my school’s production last semester.”  
“Really?” Kourtney laughed. “Well, if you audition for her again, you’ll have one hell of an advantage.”  
“Are you kidding? I’m not doing that twice. It was fun but I want to do something new.”  
“Yeah, that sounds like a better idea. So what are you going to do?”  
Nina kept looking back and forth to the posters for _Grease_ and _Mamma Mia!_. Like Gina, she was hesitating between the two._ _

__Finally, she said: “For all her flaws, I’ve always liked Sophie.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited for this fic! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Stay tuned for more Rini!  
> Comments and feedbacks are always appreciated :)  
> xx  
> Ailey


	3. The auditions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually have no idea how auditions for a school musical go. So please, bear with me.  
> Also, it's better if you've actually _seen_ Mamma Mia, but if you haven't I guess you'll still understand the story.  
> Enjoy!  
> xx  
> Ailey

Nina might have been an insecure kid, but when she knew what she wanted, there was no changing her mind, and there was no stopping her from doing everything she could to obtain it. Well, maybe not _everything_. She would never do anything that would jeopardise someone’s health, for example. So, it was absolutely out of the question for her to harm in any way the students who wanted the same role as her. What she did do, however, was spend her entire week-end rehearsing Sophie’s lines and songs. She knew the teacher would choose the audition song, so Nina didn’t just learn one. She learned all of them. Well, all of Sophie’s.  
By Monday morning, she knew by heart every song in which Sophie had even only one line. Some might have considered this excessive, but it was that attitude that had gotten Nina into the Youth Arts Conservatory in the first place.

From the second she had decided that she wanted in, she had done everything she could to make it happen. She had sent emails, made phone calls and written way too many cover letters. And, most importantly, her performance as Gabriella had been flawless. Literally. She had spent countless nights learning the lines, singing the songs and rehearsing the dance moves. She hadn’t missed one step, one world or one note. But she still wouldn’t have gotten in if it wasn’t for her sensibility. Every time she sang it felt like she was pouring her heart out. Her acting was sometimes so emotional it didn’t feel like acting. It just felt natural.

So that was the reason why she was _the_ student who had been accepted outside of the usual procedure. And yet, Nina still doubted herself most of the time. She knew she was good – she wasn’t that stupid – but she often felt like she wasn’t good _enough_. Self-confidence was something she had always struggled with. But she was getting better at it.

For example, when on Monday she had had Drama again and her hard work had granted her a slight nod from the teacher – which she could tell was a big deal from the look on her classmates’ faces – she had allowed herself to feel like she deserved it. Not only the nod, but also her place in this school.

After the Drama class, Nina had gone to find Kourtney, and they were now chilling in the sofa of their floor’s common room.  
“I knew it, girl! I knew you’d kill it,” Kourtney told her after hearing all about the Drama lesson.  
“Well, I wouldn’t say _kill_ it. I still missed some of my cues and I basically didn’t know anything about placement, because all I had to help me this past was the script without any notes on it. But I knew all my lines so well! The teacher was so surprised.”  
“Yeah, I can imagine. You’ve earned his respect, now!”  
“Gosh, I hope so. But anyway, the look on his face when I set my script down and just recited everything! It was priceless. Definitely worth the few hours of sleep I skipped last week.”  
They went quiet for a few minutes, letting their excitement subside.  
Finally, Nina said: “I’ve seen that the auditions for _Mamma Mia!_ are on Wednesday, by the way. I can’t wait!”  
Kourtney smiled at her.  
“By the way, have you thought about what we talked about on Saturday?” Nina added.  
“I have… and I just really don’t think it’s a good idea,,” Kourtney answered.  
“What? Of course it is! Come on, you _have_ to at least try!” Nina insisted.  
“I don’t kno-” Kourtney started, only to be brutally interrupted by her friend.  
“Stop this, Kourtney! You’re crazy talented. And I’m not just saying that because you have to be talented to get into this school.”  
“Girl, I didn’t get in for singing. I’m a dancer, you know that,” Kourtney cut her.  
“Yes, but it doesn’t matter!” Nina continued. “And you know why? Because I _heard_ you sing. You’re amazing! You would _totally_ get cast, if only you agreed to audition.”  
Kourtney sighed and didn’t say anything more, but Nina knew she hadn’t convinced her.  
“If I’m in the musical and you’re not then you’re going to spend the next four months constantly waiting for me to get out of rehearsal. _However_ , if you’re in as well, then we’ll get to spend more time together!”  
That was Nina’s last card, and she was silently praying that it would work.  
Kourtney stared at her for a few seconds, considering.  
Finally, she said: “Damn, you’re lucky you’re my only friend because that is the _only reason_ I’m doing this.”  
This made Nina so happy she squealed and jump in Kourtney’s arms. Her heart felt warm at the idea that her friend was going to audition thanks to her – and not _for_ her, because Nina knew that, deep down, Kourtney wanted to do it. She just needed a little push.

On Tuesday evening, Nina was so surprised to see Gina come in before curfew that at first she thought it was someone who had gotten the wrong door. But it really was Gina.  
“Why are you looking at me like that?” the latter asked when Nina had been staring at her for five good minutes without moving.  
“You’re here early,” she finally said.  
Gina settled in front of her mirror to take off her make up. It was the first time Nina was seeing her roommate do that. She usually came in so late that she had the decency to take off her make up in the common bathroom in order not to bother Nina with the light at 1 a.m. every night.  
“The auditions are tomorrow,” Gina said, echoing Nina’s remark. “I need that beauty sleep.”  
“Oh, come on, it’s not like you need it,” Nina said in a playful tone.  
Gina froze imperceptibly. Was her roommate – who was more of a stranger, really – being friendly with her?  
“Well, I certainly don’t need it to be pretty,” she replied, oozing confidence, “but I do need the rest if I want my audition to be perfect tomorrow. And it _has_ to be, because I really want that role.”  
“Right,” Nina said. “Who are you auditioning for, again?”  
She knew damn well that her roommate wanted Donna, but she was trying to make conversation. She was also hoping this would somehow lead to her revealing that she wanted Sophie. Maybe if Gina knew that they weren’t competing for the same role then she’d be friendlier.  
A girl can dream.  
“I want Donna.”  
“Oh, that’s great,” Nina fainted surprise. “I’m going for Sophie.”  
“Cool,” Gina said, clearly not caring that much.  
Maybe Nina had been wrong and, now that she wasn’t a threat for her, she had officially made it on the list of people who weren’t worth being looked at by Gina Porter.  
“It’d be funny if we both got the part and you played my mother,” Nina said in a last attempt to… she didn’t even know, actually. “You know, considering you’re younger than me?”  
Gina barely smiled.  
“Sure,” she just replied.  
Now Nina had run out of things to say, but that was okay because Gina was already settling in her bed (yes, before 9 p.m. A record, surely).  
“Don’t stay out too late,” she warned her roommate.  
 _Well, that’s rich coming from her_ , Nina thought.

Finally, it was audition day. Audition hour, even. Nina and Kourtney were sitting next to each other in the auditorium’s seats.  
“I hope Ms. Jenn is arriving soon, because you’re so nervous I can _feel_ it and I can’t have any bad vibes right now,” Kourtney said to Nina.  
“Yeah, well, sorry but there’s not much I can do about that,” she answered.  
“Believe in yourself, maybe?”  
Nina shot her a glance. Then she nodded discreetly at all the students behind them, trying to make Kourtney understand that there was no way she was suddenly becoming confidence when there were that many talented people in the room. And there were _many_. From Freshmen to Seniors, and coming from all specialisations – Dance, Music, Drama… Of course, that made sense, because musicals were a mix of all three. But seeing that many people didn’t help Nina’s nerve. She wondered how many of them wanted Sophie. A lot, surely. She was one of the mains, after all.

From the corner of her eyes, Nina spotted Gina. She was sitting next to her friend – the one she had been talking with last Friday, Nina didn’t know her name – and kept shooting nervous glances at the door, as if she was waiting for someone else.

After what felt like an eternity – but truly it had only been a few minutes – a woman with long strawberry blond hair and a fitted suit walked on the stage.  
“Is that-” whispered Nina.  
“Ms. Jenn, yes,” confirmed Kourtney, whispering as well.  
“All right, everyone!” the teacher started. “Thank you all for coming to the _Mamma Mia!_ Auditions!” She seemed overexcited. “This is the _first time_ this musical is being staged in this school, so buckle up and prepare to make history! Well, provided that you’re cast, of course,” She added a little lower. Gina laughed discreetly.  
“So,” Ms. Jenn continued, “Please follow carefully my instructions. If you’re auditioning for Donna, take a sit in the front row. The Sophies, second row.”  
As she continued giving instructions for the other characters, Nina got up, gave Kourtney a nervous smile, and made her way to the second row. She tried to ignore the number of girls who were sitting next to her. At least ten, surely.

She breathed and let her eyes wander on the other students here – not the Sophies, but everyone else. She spotted a few familiar faces in the crowd. A girl from her Drama class – Ashlyn – was sitting right in front of her, with the Donnas. And, when Nina turned around, she saw a boy from her Algebra class – Sebastian – but she wasn’t sure who he was auditioning for. Maybe one of the dads?  
She turned back and focused on the teacher again.  
“All right!” Ms. Jenn said once everyone was seated correctly. “Here’s how we’re going to proceed, kids. There are too many of you for me to listen to everyone sing. So, for a first selection, I will ask each of you to quickly introduce yourself – Name, grade and specialisation – and then we’ll read some lines. If, after that, you’re not picked, I’m sorry but it just means you’re not fit for my vision of this production.”

That part took a good half-hour. Nina was so stressed she didn’t even remember what had happened when it had been her turn to speak. All she knew was that she was now sitting with the two other girls who still had a shot for Sophie – she had been selected for the next step. At her joy and relief, Kourtney had been chosen too – for the role of Rosie – as well as Gina. She was actually the one standing on stage at that moment. She was giving a technically speaking flawless interpretation of _The Winner Takes It All_. It was very good. So good, in fact, that Nina was sure she would get the part.

But that was because Nina had never heard Ashlyn sing.  
Because when it was her turn, and she opened her mouth to sing the same song Gina had performed a few minutes before, Nina felt like someone had just smacked her in the chest. It was beautiful to the point of being painful. And it was so emotional that Nina felt tears in her eyes. And it _wasn’t_ because she was very sensitive – well, maybe just a little. It just sounded like Ashlyn was emotionally connected to the song. And it was impossible, for Nina and for everyone else, to even consider looking away from her.  
When the song ended, Nina stood up without thinking and applauded. She was followed by most of the other students in the room, until they were asked to stop. It was Ms. Jenn’s request that no one clapped during the auditions – the process was already long, they didn’t need to lose thirty more seconds every time someone sang. However, she had let the students cheer for a few seconds, clearly overwhelmed herself.  
When the moment was over, Nina suddenly felt bad for her roommate, because Ashlyn was definitely going to be Donna.

A few minutes passed, and suddenly it was Nina’s turn. She felt wildly unprepared. Which was ridiculous, because she had spent her entire week-end practicing for this. She tried to remain calm as she started talking.  
“My name is Nina Salazar-Roberts and I will be singing _I Have A Dream_ ,” she said, her voice surprisingly steady.  
That was pure formality, of course, because Ms. Jenn already had her name and she had been the one to choose the song. But it made Nina feel more confident. More grounded. It gave her a few more seconds to get used to the stage, to the public, to the way the lights were on her before having to sing. She saw Kourtney giving her a thumbs-up from afar.

Then she opened her mouth and started singing. She gave it everything she had. She knew she wouldn’t mess up the lyrics or the notes, so she concentrated her energy on the emotions. She tried to really understand what the song was about and to find a deep, personal connection to it.

_I have a dream  
A song to sing_

She thought about East High, about the life she had had there not a month before. She thought about all that was going through her head the night she had written _Out of the old_.

_When I know the time is right for me  
I’ll cross the stream_

That was what she had done when she had called the school. And after that when she had played Gabriella and somehow convinced the recruiter that she belonged at the Youth Arts Conservatory. Most importantly, that was what she was doing _now_. Putting herself out there. Taking a chance. 

The song was over way too quickly. The auditorium stayed completely silent for a few seconds, everyone holding their breath. No one applauded, but that was okay because Nina hadn’t expected them to. However, she knew she had done good because Ms. Jenn couldn’t suppress the smile on her face.  
After that, she said a few of Sophie’s lines and went back to her sit.  
 _There_ , she thought. _It’s over. I’ve done everything I could. Now, let’s just… wait and see._

About fifteen minutes later, the auditions for the three dads were finished and Ms. Jenn was about to call the first Sky when someone barged in, running like crazy.  
“Am I too late?” they screamed. It was a boy. “Am I too late?” he asked again once he had stopped, panting.  
Nina felt the blood boil in her veins. What was he doing here?  
“Excuse-me, young man,” the teacher started, “but if you’re here to audition, you’re an hour late.”  
“I know,” he said, still catching his breath. “I am _so_ sorry, I misread the announcement. I thought it was starting at 5 and not at 4...”  
“I’m sorry, but that’s a no. It would be unfair to the people who have been here the entire time. Plus, you missed the first selection.”  
“Miss, please,” he begged. He was almost crying.  
 _Pathetic_ , Nina thought. _That’s good acting, though._  
“I really need to be in this musical.”  
His voice cracked. He looked desperate.  
It was a view to pity, really. Nina didn’t, but others might have. Ms. Jenn did, apparently.  
“Well,” she said. “We were just about to get started with Sky. You can audition for him.”  
“Thank you so much.”  
He went to sit next to Gina.  
 _Wait, Gina? Do they know each other?_  
Nina was really curious, but then she got herself together and reminded herself she didn’t care.

Soon enough, it was Ricky’s turn. Nina didn’t even want to look at him. So instead she stared at her fingers, which were suddenly very interesting.  
“Hello, I’m Ricky Bowen, I’m auditioning for Sam- no, sorry, for Sky and I will be singing _Our Last Summer_.”  
Ms. Jenn had asked everyone who was auditioning for Sky to sing that song, and not _Lay All Your Love On Me_ , for a reason she hadn’t specified.

_I can still recall  
Our last summer_

Ricky started singing, and, although she would never admit it to anyone, Nina’s heart skipped a bit.  
 _Fuck_ , she thought.  
 _Fuck_ , because he had an amazing voice (another thing she would _never_ admit out loud).  
It took all of Nina’s willpower not to look up and watch him. 

_We made our way along the river  
And we sat down in the grass by the Eiffel Tower_

And even all her willpower wasn’t enough.  
 _No one will see me_ , she thought. _And, even if they do, it’s not like it’s weird or anything. No, really, what’s weird is if I spend the entire song looking down._  
And so she finally looked up. And realised he was playing the guitar. Of course he was. And it just made his performance even better. Which made Nina hate him even more, of course. He had been late – _twice_ – which was bad enough. He was rude. And now he was going to steal someone else’s spot – someone who had been committed enough to be here since the beginning.   
So Nina really, _really_ hated Ricky Bowen.

Then he was done, and Nina made a point of not looking at him again, not even for a second.  
Kourtney sang – as predicted, she was amazing, – the few last students auditioned, and then it was over.  
“Okay, everyone! Please listen to me before I let you go!” Ms. Jenn was talking loudly, in case some students were already starting to leave. “First, I’d like to thank each of you for auditioning. Obviously, some of you will be disappointed, but that’s how it works in this business. Consider it practice, because in this industry you will get many “noes” before you get a “yes”. That being said, I will come back with the cast list in ten minutes for those of you who are willing to wait, and it will be in the main hall in an hour for everyone else.”  
Then she turned around and made her way backstage.  
Nina, who was sitting next to Kourtney again, turned to her friend.  
“In ten minutes?” She was frowning. “I’ve never heard of such a thing before. We usually have to wait a couple days to get the cast list.”  
“Yeah, she’s a really… _intuitive_ teacher? She swears by her instincts.”  
Nina didn’t have time to add anything because she was suddenly surrounded by a bunch of people.  
“Oh my God,” one boy started. “You’re Nina, right? The new girl?”  
Nina cringed.  
“You were _amazing_ out there,” he continued. “You are _so_ going to get Sophie.”  
She smiled at the compliment.  
“Oh, thank you,” she said, feeling a bit uncomfortable because she didn’t know who the boy was.  
“I’m sorry,” she started, “what’s your name?”  
“Oh, I’m Carlos,” he answered. “And these are Seb, Ashlyn and Big Red,” he added, pointing to his friends who were here as well.  
Kourtney introduced herself, and everyone paid everyone else compliments about their audition (well, Big Red was just standing here. He hadn’t auditioned and didn’t really get theatre).  
“Ashlyn, you were so great earlier you made me _cry_. And I’m not kidding!” Nina admitted, only because Kourtney was already talking with Seb, and Carlos was too busy looking at the blond boy to listen to what Nina was saying.  
“You’re not serious,” Ashlyn answered, laughing nervously. To Nina’s surprise, she seemed quite shy and unconfident.   
“I’m very serious!” Nina insisted. “You’re so talented I can barely process the fact that you’re human.”  
“Well, thanks… But anyway, it could never be as good as your performance.”  
Nina couldn’t believe it. Was it really that hard for Ashlyn to understand that she was gifted?  
“Ashlyn, everybody _clapped_ for you.”  
“And they didn’t even clap for Seb!” Carlos said, joining in the conversation. “The lack of taste.”  
He was just teasing, of course, but it seemed to embarrass Seb.  
“Carlos, stop it!” he said, giggling nervously.  
“What?” Carlos answered, looking offended. “How are you not on my side in this?”  
“Guys?” Big Red suddenly said (it was probably the first time Nina had heard his voice).  
“Come on, boys, don’t fight over me,” Ashlyn said jokingly to Seb and Carlos.  
“We’re not-” Carlos started, but he was cut short by Big Red.  
“Guys! Ms. Jenn is coming back!”

They all instantly shut up and looked up to the stage. The teacher was there.  
Nina’s heart suddenly started to throb. She had been distracted ever since her performance, by Ricky’s rude arrival and then by the friendly group, so she hadn’t had time to panic. Well, until now.  
Completely stiff, she gripped Kourtney’s arm. “Ouch! Nina, that hurts!”. Then she saw the look on her friend’s face, and her expression softened as she started patting her back in a comforting way.

“Everyone!” Ms. Jenn practically screamed (which wasn’t necessary, really, because everyone was already listening.)  
“Listen up for the cast of the first ever production of _Mamma Mia!_ here at the Conservatory!”  
She did a tiny pause for dramatic effect. Nina was holding her breath.  
“Ashlyn Caswell as Donna Sheridan. Nina Salazar-Roberts as Sophie Sheridan. E.J. Caswell as Sam Carmichael. Gina Porter as Tanya. Kourtney Jones as Rosie. Carlos Rodriguez as Harry Bright. Sebastian Matthew-Smith as Bill Anderson. And Ricky Bowen as Sky Ramand. Please, come check the list directly for other minor roles.”

The second she was done talking, the entire auditorium exploded with cheers. Especially Nina and her group, because they had obtained most of the main roles. Everyone was screaming and laughing and hugging each other. Nina was still in shock, and Kourtney had to shake her like a tree to unfreeze her. She was screaming. “We got it! We _both_ got it!”  
There was no better feeling in the world, Nina was sure of it. She joined the group’s celebration.

After maybe one minute, she calmed down a bit and turned around to where she had last seen Gina. She tried to conceal her surprise when she saw that she was in Ricky’s arms, laughing as they were spinning around. Then he let her down again. Despite not getting Donna, Gina seemed satisfied. Nina didn’t know if it was an act or not. Ricky, however, had sad eyes.  
Trying to be casual, Nina slightly moved away from her own group to hear what they were talking about.  
“I thought you’d be disappointed about not getting Donna,” Ricky was saying.  
“Well, I am a little, but if you had heard Ashlyn singing, you’d understand. She was clearly made for this role. Plus, I love Tanya. She’s funny.”  
Ricky smiled. “Well, I’m proud of you for being so mature about this,” he said.  
“Thank you,” she replied, smiling as well. “And what about you? I know how badly you wanted to be Sam. I’m sorry you didn’t even get to audition for him.”  
“That’s okay,” he said, although he undeniably looked disappointed. “It was my fault. I should have arrived on time. And anyway, if I had been good enough, I would have had Sam anyway. So I guess I got what I deserved A secondary character.”  
Nina tried to ignore the voice in her head that was saying that Ricky was much better than that E.J. guy, and that he clearly deserved the masculine lead.  
She didn’t know what was happening to her. In what world did she feel sorry for Ricky Bowen? In what world did she think that he deserved better?

All of those confusing feelings went away, however when she realised that _Ricky was Sky_. Which meant that…  
 _Ricky was playing her fiancé._


	4. Confusing

On Thursday, the day after the auditions, Nina was still very conflicted about getting the role of Sophie. Well, _of course_ , she was extremely happy and proud. But she couldn’t get Ricky out of her head. Because he was going to play Sky. Of course, that’s what was bothering her, and that’s why she was thinking about him. _Nothing else_.

And, the more she thought about it, the worse it was. She had re-watched the movie on the week-end before auditions, and it was all too clear in her head. How Sophie and Sky were deeply in love, and how almost every time they had a scene together they’d kiss. And even when they didn’t kiss, there was that constant sexual tension between them. Just thinking about Ricky and her playing lovers made her nauseous.

This had been torturing her all morning, and she trying to chase the thought out of her mind when she sat down next to Kourtney for lunch.  
“Hello, Sophie,” her friend said playfully.  
Nina decided to go along.  
“Oh my God, hi aunt Rosie! It’s been so long!” she said as she sat down, her voice a little bit higher than usual.  
They started at each other for a couple of seconds before bursting into laughter.  
“For real, though,” Nina said once they had calmed down, “I’m really glad we’re in this together.”  
“Aw, me too, Neens.”  
Nina was going to react to that new nickname, but she didn’t get the chance because she was cut by a sudden mix of excited conversations and trays being set down on, well, their table.  
“You don’t mind if we eat with you, do you?” Ashlyn asked.  
Kourtney was too surprised to answer, so Nina did.  
“No, of course not!” she said. “Sit with us!”  
Ashlyn, Carlos, Seb and Big Red sat down at their table. Kourtney leaned closer to Nina.  
“Are you some kind of witch?” she whispered, “Because I’ve been here for six months and this is the first time other people ask if they can eat with me.”  
“I wish I was a witch,” Nina simply answered. “They’re so badass.”  
Kourtney gave her a look.  
“It’s just,” Nina continued, more serious, “Musicals bring people together.”  
She returned her attention to the new students around the table.   
“Rehearsals are starting next Monday,” Carlos was saying. “And there is _no way_ I’m going unprepared.”  
“Meaning?” Seb asked, looking a bit worried.  
“I’m going to spend the week-end learning my lines, of course.”  
Seb closed his eyes and let his head drop on the table dramatically.  
“Sometimes I really hate being your roommate,” he said, mumbling.  
“No, you don’t!” Carlos answered, offended. “It’s not even like I have _that_ many lines. Plus, may I remind you that you also have a role? You could use that time to learn your part as well.”  
“Carlos,” Seb started. He was trying to look like he was tired of the boy, but it was clearly an act. “Ms. Jenn doesn’t expect us to be off-book by Monday.”  
“Well, it can’t hurt, can it?” Carlos said defensively.  
“Yeah,” Ashlyn joined in. “I mean, if you two can rehearse the boat scene between Bill and Harry, at least it’ll be less awkward for the rest of us when you have to do it in front of everyone.”  
Carlos and Seb were still arguing/flirting (Nina wasn’t sure) when she noticed Big Red looking around the cafeteria. He was trying not to be obvious about it, but he was clearly looking for someone.  
Ashlyn noticed, too.  
“Are you looking for Ricky?” she asked him discreetly.  
That confused Nina. And it also annoyed her a little bit, because it seemed like whatever she did, it was always coming back to him. But why would Big Red be looking for Ricky? They didn’t seem to be friends. Nina had never seen them interact. Then again, she hadn’t been here long.  
“No, never mind,” Big Red answered with a sad look.  
Ashlyn put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sure it won’t last much longer,” she said in a reassuring tone.  
“Thanks, Ashlyn. But can we please not talk about it?”

Ten minutes later, Seb and Carlos were still flirting (well, at least it looked more like flirting than arguing to Nina, although the line between those two things could sometimes get blurry).  
At some point, Seb had threatened to swap rooms with someone else so he wouldn’t have to put up with Carlos waking him up by dancing at 1 a.m. anymore, and Carlos had started begging him not to move out. The entire thing was funny to Nina, but she didn’t laugh because she didn’t want to be inappropriate.  
“Hey, Nina,” Ashlyn talked to her, distracting her from that little scene. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’re in the same Drama class.”  
Nina frowned. “Of course I’ve noticed!”  
“Oh,” Ashlyn blushed. “Oh, okay, cool. Well, I just wanted to say, I know it can be hard, trying to catch up with us. And you’ve really surprised us all when you came in last Monday already knowing all your lines. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, if you want help with, I don’t know, the placement or anything, I’d be happy to help.”  
“Really?” Nina’s face lit up. “That would be so great! Thank you so much!”  
And, before she knew it, she was hugging Ashlyn.  
She had never thought she’d be able to make friends so easily. And yet, there she was, barely two weeks in and already sitting at lunch with five other people.

Well, four, now that Big Red had just stormed out without a word.  
Confused, Nina and Ashlyn broke away from their hug. Nina turned her head to try and see what had upset Big Red so much. At first, she didn’t see anything unusual. Then, she heard Ashlyn sigh. She followed her gaze and saw Ricky and Gina eating together. Alone at their table. And they were extremely close.  
Nina tried to make sense of everything. The only thing she came up with was that Ricky and Big Red used to be close friends until Ricky started dating Gina and suddenly spent less and less time with him. That would explain why Big Red was looking for him in the first place – he probably wanted to invite him to their table, or to talk to him – and why it had upset him when he saw the two of them together – he felt abandoned, Ricky prioritising his girlfriend over him.  
Of course, Nina wasn’t sure, but it seemed likely. Especially since it would confirm what she had always known: Ricky Bowen was a selfish jerk.

On Monday, rehearsal started. Nina was in a good mood. Not only because of the musical, but also because her Drama class had gone well. Ashlyn and her had spent some hours of their Saturday talking about the play, the placements and everything Nina was struggling with. It really helped.

Her good mood didn’t last long, however. The read-through was extremely awkward, partly because she was sitting next to Ricky. Thankfully, she had Ashlyn on her other side, but still. He kept looking at her and she didn’t understand why. It made her nervous for some reason, and she messed up some of her lines, stuttering and misreading words. It was even worse when it was a scene between Sophie and Sky, because his voice disrupted her. He must have been a little sick, because his voice was raspier and deeper than usual, in a way that Nina tried (way too hard) not to find hot.  
“This was once supposed to be the site of Aphrodite’s fountain. You know, the goddess of love,” Nina read. “And if you- if you drank from- _sorry_ – if you drank the water you were supposed to find true love and- and perfect happiness.”  
It was messy but it could have been worse.  
As the stage manager was reading something about Sophie touching Sky’s shoulder and then kissing his cheek, Ricky leaned in to whisper to Nina:  
“What’s the matter, Nini? You get nervous around me?”  
He was teasing, of course. But Nina was not having it. She turned to face him.  
“My name is _not_ Nini, you idiot.”  
An incredible amount of insults came to her mind when she looked into his eyes, but she kept them for herself and turned back, putting an end to their little chat. She was already having a hard time with the lines, there was no way she was causing a scene now.

By Friday the theatre kids were already starting to be her new family. They had rehearsal every day after classes, so she hung out with everyone a lot. She learned that Seb and Carlos were _not_ dating but she also noticed they couldn’t keep their eyes off of each other. Whenever Carlos would randomly start dancing or when he would tell some story to the group, Seb would always stare at him lovingly. And, whenever Seb would act or sing, Carlos would look at him like he was the only person in the room.   
However, they were idiots and didn’t seem able to figure it out on their own.

Nina also noticed that Big Red was here way too often for someone who wasn’t per se _in_ the musical. She suspected he had a thing for Ashlyn, but it was too early to tell.

Ricky was still being his annoying self. It was a miracle that he hadn’t been late once this week, but Nina wasn’t getting her hopes up. Thankfully, none of the scenes they had worked on so far required the both of them to act together or even to look at each other, so they were good.

And Gina was still being mysterious. The “sneaking out till one in the morning” continued, to Nina’s despair. And she would sometimes bring along that friend of hers – Rachel, as Nina had finally learned – to rehearsal.

So, Nina was getting to know her classmates, and everything was going good for her. And for the production.   
That changed, however, on Friday.

“Okay, guys,” Ms. Jenn started. “Today we are going to rehearse our first musical number! Well, it’s not the first one in the musical, not at all even, but we’re starting with it.”  
Everyone was waiting eagerly for her to announce which one it was.  
“We’re doing _Lay All Your Love On Me_!” she announced with a big smile.  
Nina tried not to faint. She had hoped she wouldn’t have to deal with this number for the time being. As Ms. Jenn had said, it wasn’t the first in the musical, and it wasn’t like it was the most important or the one that required the most time and creativity. No. The only thing special about it was that it was the only song between Sophie and Sky.  
Nina noticed that Ricky was frowning as well.  
“Okay, everyone please clear the stage – Nina, Ricky, come with me.”  
Ms. Jenn lead the both of them away from everyone else.  
“Okay,” she said, “I can assume that you are… _confused_ , about why we are doing this song first.” They both nodded silently. “The truth is, I’ve noticed you two don’t really talk to each other… I mean, that’s okay, theoretically, but things seem _tense_ between the two of you. And you’re playing two characters that are deeply in love. I mean, the entire musical is about their _wedding_. So, I figured it might take some time for you to get a hang of this number. Which is why we’re doing it first.”  
She waited a bit, looking at the two of them almost like she was waiting for them to explode. When they didn’t, she just said: “Okay, great! Let’s get to it, then!”  
And that was it.  
 _So, apparently, I hate Ricky so much that our teacher can feel it_ , Nina thought. _That can’t be good._

“You know how I said I wanted to find my father?” Nina said, script in hand.   
She raised her head, watching Ricky step closer to her. He was supposed to touch her cheek in a reassuring way, but he kept his distance.  
“Soph, we’ve been over this a million times.” His voice was neutral and he was staring at his script, although it was obvious he knew the line. “You don’t need a father, you _have_ a family.”  
“And you’ll never leave me, right?” Nina asked. She knew her tone was supposed to be playful, or unconfident, or loving. Anything but the bland voice she used.  
“Are you kidding?” Ricky continued. “You have turned my world upside down.”  
Almost immediately, the music started.   
And Ricky took his shirt off.  
Nina’s eyes widened.  
“What are you doing?” she asked in a hushed voice.  
Ricky looked at her like she was stupid. “Getting in character,” he just said.  
Nina looked at him in disbelief.  
 _Don’t look at his chest. Don’t look at his chest. Don’t look at his-_  
“You do know that we’re in swimsuit in this scene, right?” he asked, mocking her.  
Before she had the chance to answer, he started singing.  
Nina tried to pull herself together during his part. She tried to remember the lyrics of the song. She tried not to stare at his bare chest, but she _had_ to look at him. For the sake of the musical, of course. Sophie was supposed to stare at him hungrily, or something.

When Nina started singing, it was all right. She just focused on his head. Plus, he was far enough.  
However, when he started approaching her – as Sky was supposed to do – her eyes slipped on his stomach for _one second_ , and she almost choked, forgetting the lyrics.  
Ms. Jenn cut the song.  
“Nina, honey, what is it?” she asked.  
“Nothing!” she said defensively. It was nothing, and it definitely didn’t have anything to do with Ricky’s shirt being on the floor instead of on himself.  
“Nothing,” she repeated. “I just forgot my line.”  
“Okay. Let’s try again, then.”

Ten minutes later, they still hadn’t managed to get through the entire song. Nina was having a really hard time focusing, and was trying to convince herself that it was because she was tired.  
“I don’t understand what’s happening, guys,” Ms Jenn told them.  
“It’s his fault!” Nina immediately accused Ricky, pointing a finger at him.  
“Me? What have I done?” he asked, confused.  
“You’re trying too hard!” Nina said, lashing out at him. “I have to stop myself from laughing every time you open your mouth because of your stupidly bad British accent. Honestly, you should drop it because it’s _terrible_. And you’re embarrassing. I mean, come on, taking your shirt off? We’re not in costumes yet!”  
Ricky looked hurt. He went to grab his shirt on the floor.  
“You know,” he said, putting it back on, “maybe it’s not that I’m trying too hard. Maybe it’s that you’re not invested enough in this. Honestly, my grandma’s acting is more emotional than… _all this_.” He motioned vaguely to her. “If you’re not going to give this play everything you have, then I don’t even know why you’re here,” he added before immediately taking off.

Nina was boiling with anger and Ms. Jenn was frozen.  
“Okay,” she finally said, trying to sound calm. “So, maybe starting with this song wasn’t such a great idea,” she conceded. “We’ll put it on hold for now.”  
She turned toward the group. “E.J., Seb, Carlos! New plan: we’re going to do a scene with the three of you.”  
Nina sighed. Of course she had screwed this up.  
She was making her way to a chair when Ms. Jenn stopped her.  
“Nina, honey. I think it’d be better if you… took the rest of the evening. To… calm down?”  
She couldn’t find the right words, but the message was clear: Nina needed to leave.

When she stepped into the hallway a few seconds later, she was trying very hard not to cry. She wanted to cry because she felt like shit. She wanted to cry because she was ruining a good thing. She wanted to cry because she thought that she wasn’t good enough, that she was just a fraud and someone was going to figure it out someday. And she wanted to cry because, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get the image of Ricky shirtless on out of her head.  
But she wouldn’t cry. She couldn’t. She just… needed to keep it all inside. So far, it was working.

But then, she heard a noise to her left, and so she looked up.  
“This is like my _one_ moment, Gina, and I can’t even get it right. I fucking can’t get it right.”  
It was Ricky. He looked so angry.  
“Hey,” Gina told him, putting her hands on his shoulders to calm him down. “You’ll get there, okay? It was the first time you guys did it, it’ll be alright, I swear. You just need time.”  
“You don’t know that,” he answered. “I mean, have you see the way she looks at me? She hates me! This will _never_ work!”  
Not knowing what to say, Gina just hugged Ricky. And, for some reason, Nina couldn’t hold back her tears anymore.

They hadn’t seen her, so she just turned around and left. She wished she could un-see what had just happened. She wished she could un-hear it, too. Because that was new. She had never seen Ricky so… emotional about something. And she hated it. She truly did, because it reminded her that he was a human being. With emotions. And that he wasn’t evil or anything. He was just a boy.  
That really unsettled Nina. Because, of course, it was easy to hate someone when you didn’t think about their feelings. But when you had seen them being vulnerable…   
Suddenly, Nina wasn’t sure she hated Ricky _that_ much. She still thought he was rude and selfish. But maybe he was more than that.

As soon as these thoughts settled in her mind, Nina tried to chase them away. She didn’t want to feel empathy for him. She didn’t want to feel _anything_. It was just… it was just much more simple to hate him. Less confusing.

A few hours later, Nina was in bed, repressing all those new and unwanted feelings when Gina got up from her own mattress and headed towards the door.  
“Sneaking out to see your boyfriend?” Nina asked without thinking.  
She saw Gina freeze and she mentally beat herself up. What was she thinking? Her and Gina never talked. They weren’t friends. She didn’t have the right to ask her about her personal life.  
Then Gina laughed a little. “I’m sorry, my boyfriend? And who would that be?” she asked.  
“I don’t know,” Nina answered. She was thinking of what she should say to smooth things over, but her idiotic brain seemed to want drama. “You and Ricky seem awfully close,” she added.  
Gina stared at her in disbelief for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. She laughed so hard she had to go back to her bed to sit on it.  
“Me and Ricky?” she finally managed to say.  
“What’s so funny?” Nina asked, confused.  
“We’re not dating,” Gina replied, still looking very amused.  
Nina didn’t understand, but she decided to let it go. “Okay, sure,” she simply said, lying down on her bed again.  
Gina, on the other hand, didn’t want to drop it.  
“Hey,” she said, bumping Nina’s shoulder to get her attention.  
She looked up.  
“Nina, I’m gay. I was just about to go see my girlfriend.”  
Nina’s mouth opened in realisation, but she didn’t seem to be able to say anything else than “Oh.”  
After a few seconds, she managed to ask: “You have a girlfriend?”  
“Yeah. Rachel. You’ve met her before.”  
Rachel. Of course. Gina’s friend who was always around. How had she not noticed the two were a couple?  
“Okay, I’m going to go,” Gina finally said after a few seconds, when she understood Nina wasn’t going to add anything else.  
“Gina, wait!” Nina finally said when her roommate was at the door.  
She didn’t even know what she wanted to say, but she felt like her reaction – or lack thereof – could be confusing, and she didn’t want Gina to jump to any conclusion.  
“Um,” she said, searching for words. “I know we’re not really… friends or anything, but, I guess I just wanted to say, I’m here for you… if you ever need anything.”  
Gina grabbed the doorknob, said “Good night, Nina,” and left the room before her roommate could see the smile on her face.

But Nina couldn’t sleep. She felt bad for feeling relieved. She shouldn’t feel relieved about Gina and Ricky not being a couple. She shouldn’t care at all. She shouldn’t even be thinking about Ricky at this moment. She should be sleeping.  
But she just couldn’t. If she understood the mysterious Gina a little bit better, it only made Ricky more confusing to her.  
She thought she had it all figured out. She thought Ricky and Big Red used to be good friends, but that Ricky had ditched him when he had started dating Gina. 

But, with that new information… nothing about Ricky Bowen made sense anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! Comments are always appreciated ;)  
> And, don't worry, Rini is coming!  
> xx  
> Ailey


	5. Not bad, Nini

“Nina? Nina! Wake up, dude!”  
Nina groaned and opened one eye without much conviction.  
“What?” she asked.  
She saw Gina leaning over her bed, with a soft smile on her face. “Your alarm went off like ten minutes ago,” she told her. “You should get up.”  
“Oh, shit,” Nina said, although she didn’t move immediately. After ten more seconds in the warmth of her covers, she opened her eyes for good and sat up on her bed.  
“I’ll get up,” she told Gina. “Thanks for waking me up.”  
“No problem,” her roommate just answered, already prepared to go. “All right, I’ll leave you to it. I’m going to eat breakfast with Rachel.”  
Nina smiled and, five seconds later, Gina was gone.

It was Monday – which meant it had only been three days since she had learned about Gina’s girlfriend – but she could already sense a difference in their relationship. Gina was friendlier and more inclined to talk to her.  
The fact that she got along with her roommate made Nina so happy that, although it was Monday, she was in a great mood. Well, she was still a bit anxious about rehearsal – ever since the disaster of _Lay All Your Love On Me_ the Friday before – but she tried not to think about it too much for the time being.

Kourtney and Nina had gotten used to eating lunch with the theatre kids – meaning Ashlyn, Seb, Carlos and Big Red. Well, Nina liked to think that they were slowly becoming a part of the theatre kids themselves.

Nina was minding her own business, eating her vegetables when Kourtney asked her:  
“Nina, what happened on Friday?”  
When she looked up, everyone at the table had stopped talking and was looking at her expectantly.  
“Honestly, guys, I don’t know,” she said, looking apologetic. “I was frustrated and Ricky was very annoying, and I didn’t think about what I was saying. And, next thing I knew, Ms. Jenn was asking me to ‘go get some air’ or something.”  
“But are you okay?” Kourtney asked in a worried tone, placing her hand on her friend’s shoulder.  
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Nina replied. When she saw the look everyone was giving her, she continued: “Truly, I’m good. No matter how much he pisses me off, I’ll control it next time. I’m just sorry I ruined rehearsal.”  
“Oh, that’s okay,” Ashlyn said. “Actually, we did a scene with the three dads and it was so funny. Well, my cousin is an idiot, but Carlos and Seb were _hilarious_.”  
“What happened?” Nina asked, eager to know and to change the subject. “And, I’m sorry, did you just say _cousin_?”  
“Yeah, E.J. is her cousin,” Kourtney said casually, eating her potatoes.  
Nina thought about it for a second.  
“But doesn’t he play Sam? Does that mean you’re going to have to… kiss him?”  
“No,” Ashlyn answered, “we talked to Ms. Jenn about it, and, given the circumstances, she has agreed that a kiss on the kiss is what’s best. Anyway, I couldn’t stop laughing the whole time because these two idiots,” she said pointing at Seb and Carlos, “were flirting on stage.”  
Nina laughed. “You’re not serious?”  
“Oh, I’m very serious. And E.J. was just standing there, third-wheeling. It was so funny.”  
Ashlyn and Nina were laughing, but Carlos and Seb looked extremely embarrassed.  
“We were _not_ flirting,” Carlos said defensively.  
“Yes, you were,” Ashlyn retorted. “It’s okay, you can admit it.”  
Nina saw Seb blushing.  
“But you do know your two characters aren’t a couple, right?” Ashlyn continued. “Because you guys act more like one than Nina and Ricky. Maybe you should have been cast as Sophie and Sky,” she said contemplatively. “Come to think of it, I haven’t seen the two of you all weekend...”  
Seb was a tomato by now, and Carlos didn’t look so well himself.  
“Okay, moving on!” he said very loudly, not looking at anyone in the eye. “So, speaking of Sophie and Sky, how’s Ricky? Big Red, do you have any news?”  
In his attempt to change the subject, Carlos killed the light-hearted mood and everyone became very serious at once.  
“No, nothing,” Big Red said. It sounded like he was angry or embarrassed. Maybe both.  
Nina decided that, if the mood was already ruined, she should as well use this time to learn a little bit more about her co-star.  
“Do you guys… know him well?” she asked, trying to sound casual.  
Everyone shared looks with each other for a few seconds before Ashlyn finally talked.  
“He’s a part of our group. Or… he used to be. I’m not sure.”  
“How does that work?” Nina asked, confused.  
“We haven’t seen him much since we came back from Christmas break. At first we thought he was just in a bad mood and needed some alone time, but he hasn’t really talk to us in, what? A month? He spends all his time with Gina, now.”  
“And she wasn’t a part of your group before?”  
“No, not really,” Ashlyn continued answering her questions. “But Ricky has been friends with her for a while.”  
Nina was processing all of this new information.  
“So, let me sum this up. Ricky was your friend, and then after Christmas break he ditched all of you… without any explanation? You don’t know why he’s acting like this?”  
Ashlyn shook her head.  
Everyone was silent for a few seconds. Then Seb added:  
“I think something happened at home that only Gina knows about.”  
“What makes you say that?” Carlos asked him.  
“Come on, guys. We’ve all been friends for two years and a half. I know Ricky, and it’s out of character for him to stop talking to us like that. There must be something else to it. Something painful maybe, or shameful, that he doesn’t want to tell us about.”  
Carlos looked at the boy in awe. “You’re so insightful.”  
“But that’s ridiculous,” Big Red argued. “We’re his _friends_. If something bad happened, why wouldn’t he want to tell us about it? Why would he rather just… shut us out?”  
Everyone thought about it for a while.  
“Maybe, it’s our fault,” Ashlyn said after some time. “Maybe we made him feel like we weren’t trustworthy. Or, maybe, unconsciously we’ve said or done things that made him feel uncomfortable about the idea of telling us.”  
Everyone seemed to seriously think about it for a while. Finally, before the end of their lunch time, Seb added: “I hope he’ll tell us, someday, because I really miss him.”

So, lunch had gone well. After that, Nina had been quiet for most of the afternoon. She couldn’t stop thinking about what everyone had said. And how everyone looked genuinely sad and concerned about Ricky. It pained her to admit it to herself, but she obviously must have been wrong about him. If he used to be friends with these people, there was no way he was a bad person.

Nina was questioning the image she had of Ricky in her mind when someone grabbed her elbow and dragged her in an empty classroom.  
She was already setting her elbow free and getting ready to yell at whoever had done this when she looked up and recognised the eyes that were looking at her.  
Ricky.  
“I- What the hell, Bowen?” she asked angrily. Well, not _that_ angrily, but she was definitely a little bit pissed.  
“It can’t go on like this, Nini,” he just said.  
“For the last time, my name is _Nina_! And what are you talking about?”  
“Last Friday? At rehearsal?”  
She blushed just thinking about it.  
“Look, you can be mad at me for whatever reason all you want. I don’t care. But I do care when it starts jeopardising the musical, _which it does_.”  
She wouldn’t admit her faults out loud, but she didn’t argue.  
“And how is you cornering me in a dark and empty classroom going to help?” she asked mockingly.  
“We need to get _Lay All Your Love On Me_ right. And I don’t care if it takes all night. We’re not getting out of this room until we do.”  
His voice was authoritarian, and he sounded like it wasn’t up for discussion. However, he still looked extremely surprised when she just said: “Okay.”  
So surprised, in fact, that he had to check he had heard that right.  
“What?”  
“I said okay,” she repeated like he was an idiot. When he still didn’t react, she sighed and started explaining herself. “Look, believe it or not but I actually _am_ invested in the show. It means a lot to me. And there’s no way I’m being thrown out of rehearsal again. So, let’s practice.”

But, although they were both theoretically on the same page, it still didn’t work out at first.   
There was an unspoken resentment between them, and there was an uneasy tension in the room as Ricky put the music on his phone.  
Nina couldn’t help but notice he didn’t take his shirt off this time.

When the song started, they were at a safe distance. Ricky started singing.

_I wasn’t jealous before we met  
Now every man I see is a potential threat_

Nina could really feel how committed he was to the musical. He was singing with the right tone, the right emotion. He was being a little arrogant, like Sky was in the song. As he finished the first verse, he walked closer to Nina. She wasn’t surprised, it was scripted that they were supposed to be close enough to kiss. Nina was then supposed to push him away and start singing before their lips touched.  
However, as Ricky got closer to her, she became suddenly very aware that they were alone in a closed room, and she started being short of breath.

She pushed him away a little too early and a little too hard, and he almost tripped.  
“What the hell?” he asked, obviously bewildered when he had to grab hold to a desk in order not to fall.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that,” she apologised.  
“Whatever, let’s try again.”

She truly hadn’t meant to push that hard, but it had clearly – and understandably – upset Ricky.  
They still tried again. That time, she managed to sing most of her verse.

_I still don’t know what you’ve done with me  
A grown up woman should never fall so easily_

But she couldn’t keep going. Although they weren’t lying in a dangerous position like in the movie, they still were very close. So close that Nina could smell Ricky’s scent and could see the shape of his cheekbone and the gold in his eyes.  
She suddenly stopped singing and turned away from him, catching her breath.  
“This isn’t working,” she said, panicking. “I can’t do it.”  
She felt Ricky sigh behind her.  
She turned back, preparing for a fight, but when she saw the look on his face she understood that he didn’t want to argue.  
“Why?” he just asked. “What’s the problem? Is it the song? I don’t know, is it-” his voice cracked a little, “is it me?”  
He looked so insecure as he said those words that Nina had to fight the urge to hug him.  
 _This shouldn’t affect so much._  
She reassured him instead. From a safe distance.  
“It’s not you, Ricky, it’s just… the intimacy, the closeness… it makes me uncomfortable.”  
He nodded. “Okay,” he said, clearly trying to come up with a solution. “Okay. We can work with that. Um.”  
He thought about it for a few seconds.  
“Okay, let’s try something. Let’s just do the song without moving,” he said. Then he looked around, picked a table and put it between them. “With a desk between us. And… with our eyes closed!”  
“With our eyes..? Why?”  
“Do we have anything to lose?”  
Nina sighed. “I suppose not.”

So they tried it. They did the whole song with their eyes closed, and without taking a step towards the other.  
If, at first, Nina thought it was pointless, something changed somewhere around the middle of the song.   
Suddenly all she could hear was Ricky’s voice. Nothing else was real, nothing else existed. It was just Ricky’s voice, eventually joined by her own. And it was powerful. It made something resonate inside of her. It was like she could feel his voice under her skin, like she knew it as well as her own.  
And there was no hesitating, not one lyric forgotten. They were just… in perfect sync.  
She should have found it unsettling. That her voice and Ricky’s matched so well. But it wasn’t unsettling. It wasn’t weird. At that moment, it just felt natural to her. To both of them.

When the song ended, she didn’t open her eyes right away. She didn’t want it to be over. She didn’t want her bubble to burst.

But then it didn’t. Because Ricky, without saying a word, started the song again.  
And so they did it again.  
Figuring that no one could see her anyway, Nina decided to just let go. She started dancing a little. She moved with the music, in a way that felt sexy to her. It probably wasn’t, but it _felt_ like it, and that was what mattered at the moment.  
And then, without really thinking about it, she started walking. She knew there was a desk in front of her, so she just looked for it with her hands and, when she found it, avoided it.  
She walked very slowly. And with each step, Ricky’s voice grew closer. Until she reach out and touched his chest.   
It was like the contact made her hand numb, and she left it here, over his heart, for a few seconds. When she realised it was weird, she tried to remove it, but Ricky quickly put his own hand on top of hers in order to keep it there.

The feel of his hand on hers surprised her so much that she opened her eyes. And she found that he was already looking at her.  
She didn’t know when he had opened his eyes, and blushed at the idea that he had possibly seen her dance weirdly.  
But then she didn’t care because everything that was happening made her feel like she was in a sort of alternate universe. Her hand, stuck between his hand and his heart – which was beating extremely fast, by the way.   
And his eyes.  
Ever since she had seen the spots of gold in his eyes, she couldn’t see anything else. Worse: she didn’t _want_ to see anything else. That was enough for her.

But then the song ended. And they didn’t move. They were just staring at each other, out of breath.  
After a few seconds, Ricky finally said something.  
“Not bad, Nini.”  
And, at that second, she wanted to kiss him. She wanted to kiss him so bad it was painful.

When she realised what it meant, what wanting to _kiss_ Ricky Bowen meant, she backed away.  
There was now a safe distance between them, and Nina found herself immediately missing the warmth of his body and the beating of his heart. But she had to be rational. She had to think straight.  
When she looked at Ricky, she saw the confusion in his eyes. and she saw that he was about to say something.

Before he got the chance, she grabbed her bag and ran to the door. She didn’t look back when she opened it, nor when she made her way to her dorm, not quite running anymore but still walking very fast.

_What’s happening to me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this :) don't hesitate to leave comments, it always makes me really happy!  
> xx  
> Ailey


	6. Stupid brain

“Why weren’t you at rehearsal yesterday?”  
Nina had barely set a foot in the cafeteria for breakfast when Kourtney leaped on her.  
“I’m sorry, I was sick. Food poisoning I think?” she tried to sound casual.  
“And you didn’t think of texting me? Or Ms. Jenn? She was really worried.”  
“I’m really sorry, I just… I felt so bad, I didn’t even think about it. Plus, I passed out on my bed pretty early.”  
Kourtney sighed. “Okay. Well, it’s not like you could have done what Ms. Jenn had planned anyway.”  
“What do you mean?” Nina asked, confused.  
“She wanted Ricky and you to rehearse a scene together. The one where Sophie and Sky fight over her inviting her dads without telling anyone? Anyway, Ricky wasn’t in good shape _at all_. He looked so pale I was scared he’d faint any second.”  
“Oh,” Nina just said.  
“Hey, maybe you guys ate the same spoiled thing. Although, it’s weird because I don’t think it happened to anyone else.”  
“You know, it doesn’t really matter. It’s gone now, I feel good.”

But the truth was, Nina _wasn’t_ good. She hadn’t been sick the day before, not exactly. But after everything that had happened with Ricky, she just couldn’t go to rehearsal and look him in the eye. So she just stayed in her room. She went to bed early, so Gina wouldn’t question her when she came back, but she came in so late that Nina would have been asleep anyway.

She thought she just needed a good night of sleep, but she wasn’t feeling better at all. She couldn’t stop thinking about Ricky. She didn’t understand her sudden change of heart about him. Part of her was still mad at him for knocking her over on her first day. But another part – which she wished would just shut up – was starting to feel… something else. Like, whenever she’d let her mind wander, she’d find herself thinking about his heartbeat under her palm, or the way his eyes looked into hers, or-  
 _Stop it, you stupid brain._

She quickly understood that Ricky wanted to talk to her. She saw him way more often in the hallways than she usually did, which could only mean that he was looking for her. Of course, whenever she’d spot his curly hair or his blue sweater – ironically, it was the same one that he had worn on her first day – she’d turn around and make a detour.

The truth was, she didn’t know if she could face him. She was just so _embarrassed_ – ashamed, even – that they had shared a moment. Not only did it ruin the whole ‘hating him’ thing, but it also made her feel things she didn’t understand. And didn’t _want_ to understand.  
And so Nina, determined as she was, managed to avoid Ricky for the entire day.  
But then rehearsal happened.

“Nina!” Ms. Jenn exclaimed when the brunette entered the room. “Glad to see you decided to honour us with your presence today.”  
Nina cringed. She had been too shaken to think about the consequences of her skipping rehearsal the day before. She made her way towards the teacher.  
“Ms. Jenn, I am _so_ sorry,” she said with a pleading voice. “I know I should have texted, it’s just that I was sick and-”  
“It’s okay,” the teacher interrupted her with a tense smile. “But don’t let it happen again.”  
Nina nodded frantically. “I won’t,” she promised.

She let out a breath. But then, she turned around, and her eyes landed on… a blue sweater.  
“Come on, Nini,” Ricky told her. “You can’t avoid me forever.”  
She froze for a second.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said eventually. Of course, she wasn’t fooling anyone, but who cared? “Sorry, but I think Ashlyn is calling me over there. Okay, bye.”  
Of course Ashlyn wasn’t actually calling her, but it wasn’t like Ricky hadn’t figured out Nina didn’t want to talk to him.

“Okay, everyone!” Ms. Jenn started, gathering all the students around her. “Ashlyn, Kourtney, Gina! We’re going to do _Money, Money, Money_ today. Everyone else, please help put the set in place.”  
Nina started making her way to Kourtney when Ms. Jenn called back.  
“Oh, Nina, Ricky? Please come here.”  
They both walked back to their teacher, Nina more hesitantly than Ricky.  
“Okay,” Ms. Jenn started. “I don’t know what’s happening with you two. Screwing up songs, not showing up to rehearsal...” She was mostly looking at Nina as she said that, for obvious reasons. “But you need to fix it. As soon as possible. Meaning, _now_. So, while we’re all rehearsing this number _together_ and acting like a _team_ , you two are going to spend a little privileged time together. Rehearsing the scene from page 64. And that’s not up for discussion,” she added when she saw Nina opening her mouth to protest.

Five minutes later, the two of them were alone in an empty classroom. Again.  
“Nini-” Ricky started, obviously wanting to talk to her about what had happened the day before.  
But she cut him short.  
“ _I’ve done something completely insane_.”  
“What?” he asked, confused.  
“ _All of my dads are here for our wedding and they-_ ”  
“Wait, are you already in character?” he asked.  
Nina just looked at him, silently daring him to defy her. He sighed.  
“Okay. Fine!”  
Clearly, he was angry, but he decided to play her game.  
“ _I’ve put_ everything _on hold for you! Because I-_ ”  
His voice cracked.  
“ _Because I_ liked _you and I wanted what you wanted. And now I don’t know._ ”  
Nina didn’t fail to notice that he had said ‘liked’ instead of ‘loved’.   
“ _You don’t know if you love me?_ ”  
She hadn’t said her line in the heartbreaking way she was supposed to. It was more… in a sarcastic way? Ricky looked at her with an unreadable expression for a few seconds.  
“No, I don’t know,” he finally said.  
“That’s not how the scene goes!” Nina immediately seized the opportunity to yell at him for something. If she was angry then she wasn’t feeling anything else. “You’re supposed to say that of course you love-”  
“Yeah, I’m not an idiot,” Ricky cut her off. “I know that. I just don’t understand why Sky would tell her that when all she’s done since the beginning is lie and push him away.”  
“That’s the whole point of the scene, Ricky! Sure, they’re fighting, but at the end of the day they still love each other more than anything. Have you even watched the movie?”  
“Yes, I have. And, actually, since you’re such an expert, maybe you could enlighten me.”  
“What?” Nina asked, confused.  
“Sophie. Why would she treat Sky like that. He didn’t do anything wrong.”  
“Well, no, but-” Nina started, but Ricky kept talking, not letting her reply.  
“She just decided she didn’t like him, and she’s mad at him all the time. And the second they get closer she pushes him away. It’s exhausting, frankly. I don’t understand why she doesn’t want to talk to him about what’s bothering her.”  
Ricky wasn’t even yelling, but the anger and frustration in his voice were very clear.  
Nina understood what was happening, of course she did, but she didn’t want the conversation to go there.  
“That’s not the plot of the movie at all,” she just said, calmer than ten seconds before.  
“Maybe I’m not talking about the movie.”  
Nina tried to breathe but the air suddenly felt thicker. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to open her mouth because she was scared of what she could possibly say if she did.  
But, after staring at Ricky for a good 20 seconds, she decided talking was better than the unbearable silence which was settling.  
“Fine,” she said. “You want to talk? Let’s talk. I’m listening.”

It was completely silent for a few seconds, and Nina couldn’t help but notice the sharp contrast with a few seconds before, when she was yelling and he was trying not to yell back. Waiting for him to say something, she just observed him. Ricky took a big breath and sat on the desk closest to him. And, without Nina really understanding what was happening, something shifted in him. He took off his mask – metaphorically speaking. And just like that, Nina saw him, truly saw him in a way she never had before. He looked… tired. Extremely tired, but not just physically. And he looked sad. And vulnerable. _So_ vulnerable.

Nina didn’t understand why he was suddenly letting his guard down around her. They weren’t friends. Nina just… yelled at him. All the time. It didn’t make any sense. Because, at that moment, Nina could have broken Ricky in half.  
But what Nina was starting to realise was that she didn’t want to break Ricky. At that second, she even found herself wanting to hug him.  
 _Come on, the guy looks like he’s about to cry, of course I don’t want to punch him! I’m not a monster!_

“I just… I don’t understand.” His voice was surprisingly steady. Maybe he wasn’t on the verge of tears, after all.  
“What?” Nina asked with a softness that surprised her.  
“I don’t understand why you act like this with me. I see how nice you are with everybody else. Even with _E.J_. And, for some reason, you can’t stand me. You can’t even look at me.”  
“I’m looking at you,” she tried.  
He didn’t even chuckle.  
“Nini, come on. Just… tell me. Please.”  
Nina sighed. She didn’t want to talk about the whole ‘hating him’ thing. Because she didn’t even really understand it, so how could she explain it? How could she make it make sense? Even her realised that the hatred she had felt for him couldn’t have been caused by one little accident in the hallway.  
But this couldn’t go on like this. They needed to get along. And that meant Nina had to be honest with him. And with herself.  
So, reluctantly, she started talking.  
“Ricky, do you remember the first time you met me?”  
He frowned, not understanding where she was going.  
“Yes. When you sat at my desk in Algebra.”  
She shook her head.  
“It was the first day back after Christmas break. So, you know, my first day in this new, big, scary school where I didn’t know a soul. I was so nervous, but also excited, you know? Maybe people would be nice here, maybe I’d make friends… Anyway, like ten minutes after I stepped in the school, this guy just arrives out of nowhere and bumps into me. Like, _hard_. Me bag falls on the floor and I almost do, too, but he just keeps walking. He doesn’t apologise, he doesn’t even look back, he just… keeps walking like he didn’t just run into me.”  
Ricky stared at her for a few seconds, realisation hitting him. Nina still felt like she had to add:  
“The guy was you. In case that wasn’t clear.”  
He laughed nervously and put his head in his hands. “So _that’s_ why…”  
“You really don’t remember that?”  
He shook his head lightly.  
“That whole day is kind of a blur, so, don’t take it personally,” he said, raising his head and finally looking at her.  
“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” he added. “I really am. I just… I wasn’t myself that day.  
Nina heard his voice crack. And then she saw the pain in his eyes.   
And, just like that, all the anger she had felt for the past month concerning this event vanished.   
Which was exactly what she had feared would happen. Because what was she supposed to do now?

“Whatever,” she said eventually. “I don’t care. It’s not like I want to be friends with you or anything. I just want to be able to do this fucking musical without looking like an idiot whenever we have a scene together.”  
She regretted the words the second they came out of her mouth.  
 _One step forward, two steps back._  
Because of course Ricky looked even more hurt now. And of course saying that wasn’t going to help them fix their problems.  
“Yeah. Same,” Ricky just said stiffly, getting up from the desk. “So, we should practice the scene.”  
Nina internally beat herself up, because now Ricky wouldn’t even look at her.  
 _How the tables have turned_ , she thought.

In the end, they managed to do the scene in front of Ms. Jenn and the other students without any major mishap, which could have been considered as a win. But it wasn’t a win for Nina, who was still thinking about Ricky when Gina came back from… being with Rachel, probably? at two a.m.  
Nina sat up on her bed and turned her light on. No point in pretending she was asleep.  
“Oh,” Gina said. “You’re awake. That’s… unusual.”  
“Yeah, I can’t sleep.”  
Gina was clearly unsure what to do in this situation.  
“Do you want to… talk about it?” she asked with a hesitant voice.  
“Could we just… talk? It doesn’t have to be about me.”  
“Sure,” Gina answered as she got into her bed.  
One thing about Nina was that, past a certain hour, she had no filters. Well, she had _close_ to no filters. Which is why she asked something she never would have dared to ask in the daylight.  
“How are things with Rachel?”  
Gina was obviously a little taken aback by this.  
“Things are great. Why do you ask?”  
“What is it like?” Nina continued, not answering her roommate’s question.  
“What? Being with a girl?” Gina answered defensively.  
“No, no. Being in a relationship.”  
“You’ve never been in a relationship?”  
Nina shook her head.  
“Okay. Well… I don’t know. At first it’s confusing. Not only because you have all those new feelings you don’t understand, but also because, for some reason, the other person seems to have them as well. It can take some time to figure that part out. But then, when you do, it’s just… I don’t really know how to describe it. I think it might be different for everyone. For me, it’s comfortable, because I just feel good when I’m with Rachel. But it’s also not comfortable. It’s also scary, because being with her makes me discover parts of myself that I didn’t know existed. Also feelings, and thoughts I didn’t know I could have. It’s all paradoxical, really. It doesn’t make any sense, but at the same time, it does. It’s a mess, really. But, at the end of the day, she makes me happy. I guess that’s what it’s all really about. Gosh, I hope I make her as happy as she makes me.”  
Gina stared into space for a few seconds before focusing back on Nina.  
“That didn’t help at all, did it?”  
They both laughed. “Not really, but that’s okay. It’s nice seeing you like this. Your face lights up when you talk about her.”  
Gina blushed and they both stayed silent for a while.   
Nina still couldn’t get Ricky out of her mind.  
“Can I ask you something that has nothing to do with all of this?” Gina asked eventually.  
Nina just nodded.  
“Why do you hate Ricky?”  
Well, if she was starting to fall asleep, that certainly woke her up.  
“I don’t-”  
“Nina, come on. Everyone loves Ricky. And they should, because he’s a really nice guy. I would know, I’m his best friend.” Nina had a brief thought for Big Red. “What did he ever do to you?”

Nina figured she should as well explain, because now Ricky knew anyway, and she didn’t have the energy to invent something or to avoid talking about it. So she told Gina about what had happened on her first day.  
“Wait,” Gina said when the other girl was finished, “when did you say that happened?”  
“First day back after Christmas break,” Nina answered, frowning. “Why?”  
“Oh, Nina. You can’t hold that against him. He really wasn’t… himself, that day.”  
“That’s funny, you’re the second person who’s told me that today,” she answered without thinking.  
“Who else-” Gina started, but was interrupted.  
“Did something happen to him during Christmas break?” Nina asked suddenly, because she had just remembered how Seb thought something had happened to Ricky that only Gina knew about. “Is that why you say he ‘wasn’t himself’?”  
“I can’t tell you that,” Gina answered apologetically.   
“But you’re the only one who knows about it,” Nina retorted, disappointed.  
“Nina, if you really want to know then I’m sorry but you’re going to have to ask Ricky. It’s not my place.”

And, with that, Gina turned the lights off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hesitate to let me know what you thought about this chapter! Always makes me smile :) well, unless you didn't like it (but you can still tell me)  
> xx  
> Ailey


	7. Deal

The couple of weeks following their talk about why Nina hated Ricky were kind of a blur. Everyday felt the same to Nina: the stress about exams, lunch with her friends, rehearsal were Ricky barely acknowledged her presence and Gina coming back to the dorm after midnight.  
Nina was glad to have a routine – she loved routines and habits and when things went the way they always did – but this routine was particularly painful.

First of all, exams here were _a lot_. Well, of course, there were regular exams for regular subjects, but then there were also Drama exams and Music exams and those were _new_ , which instantly made them scary.

Second of all, Ricky was confusing her more and more. He and Gina were slowly but surely becoming a part of Nina’s group – they’d eat with them and hang out with them after class – but he still would only talk to Nina when they were acting for the musical. Of course, it wasn’t like she could complain. She had brought this on herself by being an idiot. 

She still didn’t know why she had said what she had said. It had ruined everything. Now Ricky would never let her close again, and all she could do was pretend to ignore him as well. Even better: she could pretend that their little talk had never happened and that she was still mad at him.

So, really, the only good thing this new routine had was her friends. Nina and Gina had grown close – but not too close because she was still Ricky’s best friend – Seb and Carlos had officially announced that they were dating and Nina had started noticing the looks Big Red gave Ashlyn when the latter wasn’t looking. And Kourtney was the best friend Nina could have ever asked for.  
So at least her friends were great.

It was now well into February and Ms. Jenn was starting to freak out about the show, although opening night was in late April. She hadn’t said anything about Nina and Ricky’s scenes in the past two weeks, because they weren’t fighting and that was already good, but she clearly wasn’t satisfied with them. She had just stopped _Lay All Your Love_ a few minutes before to rehearse a scene between Ashlyn and E.J. instead.

In the meantime, Gina was teaching Nina some dance moves backstage, because she really needed it.  
“I can’t believe you manage to mess up something that isn’t even choreographed!” Gina told her, laughing.  
“Yeah, well, sorry I don’t have any sex appeal,” Nina replied playfully.  
They were trying to fix the mess that was Nina’s body during _Lay All Your Love_.  
“This number isn’t about sex appeal,” Gina told her. “You don’t have to be bold or sexy, you just need to be confident and a little flirty.”  
“Those are literally the same things.”  
“They are _not_!”  
As they were having a friendly argument, Ricky appeared out of nowhere with his guitar. Nina didn’t say anything because she knew that was what he usually did when he wasn’t needed on stage: he’d play guitar backstage. But his presence still unsettled her.  
“Okay, Nina, let’s try again,” Gina’s voice called her back to focus. “Just, imagine you’re madly in love with me and we’re flirting on the beach. Come on, walk toward me.”  
So Nina did, but it just felt awkward. Especially since she noticed from the corner of her eye that Ricky was looking at her while absently playing a tune.  
Gina burst into laughter. “We’re not making any progress,” she managed to say.  
“Yeah, well, maybe if he stopped staring at me I’d be able to focus!” Nina said harshly, her light-hearted tone gone. “Don’t you have anything else to do?” she added, looking directly at Ricky.

Taken aback, he didn’t say anything but reported his attention back on his guitar.  
When she turned back to face Gina, Nina noticed the disappointment in her eyes.  
“Maybe we should stop there,” her roommate just said before making her way towards Ricky.

_How do I always manage to ruin everything?_

That night at dinner, Ricky was nowhere to be seen, and neither was Gina. Nina felt a prickle of guilt when her friends started mentioning it.  
“Aren’t Ricky and Gina eating with us?” Seb asked with a disappointed look.  
“Yeah, I thought they said they would,” Ashlyn added. “That’s weird.”  
“I hope Ricky isn’t ignoring us again. It was so nice hanging out with him again. And Gina, of course,” Seb continued.  
Carlos shot his boyfriend a look. “Should I be worried about you being so miserable every time Ricky isn’t around?”  
“Babe, no, of course not. You have absolutely no reason to be jealous. I mean, why would I ever want someone else when I’m dating _you_? Doesn’t make any sense.”  
That put a smile on Carlos’ face. “Aw, I love you too.”  
As they continued being cute, Nina looked around, trying to spot Ricky. She didn’t even know why she was looking for him. She knew she should apologise to him, but there was no way she was doing that in public. She couldn’t find him anywhere, anyway.  
“Hey, Neens, are you okay?” Kourtney asked her, forcing her to focus her attention back on her friends.  
She was about to say yes when she suddenly felt the urge to get out of the cafeteria.  
“Actually, I’m really tired, so I think I’m going to go to bed.”  
“Oh, okay. Do you want me to walk you to your dorm?” Kourtney offered.  
“No, no. I’m fine. Thanks.”  
And so she quickly said good night to her friends and left.

Much to Nina’s surprise, her roommate was in the dorm when she came in.  
“Oh, Gina. Hi. I didn’t expect you to be here so soon.”  
“Yeah, I didn’t feel like spending the evening with Rach,” she answered.  
“Is everything okay between you two?” Nina enquired.  
“Oh, yes. It’s not that. I just kind of feel down because Ricky is feeling down, I guess.”  
Nina’s heart skipped a beat when she heard his name.  
 _Stupid heart_ , she thought.  
She was about to let the conversation die down, because she didn’t want to say anything that could lead them to talking about Ricky, but Gina didn’t give her much of a choice.  
“Why are you so harsh on him?” she asked, almost out of the blue.  
It took Nina a few seconds to answer. “I’m not harsh on him. We barely even talk.”  
“Don’t play dumb with me, Salazar-Roberts. You know what I’m talking about. Earlier, at rehearsal? What was that?”  
“ _That_ wasn’t anything!” Nina answered defensively. “He was just distracting me. I snapped.”  
“Yeah, you did. Honestly, I don’t understand. I thought you were over the incident of your first day.”  
 _But I am_ , Nina thought. Which was what made it so confusing. There wasn’t any hard feelings concerning that anymore. So why was she still acting like she hated him?  
“Look, Gina, I’m sorry but I don’t want to talk about Ricky right now,” she finally said.  
Gina didn’t push further, but she clearly wasn’t satisfied by her answer.  
The truth was, Nina didn’t know. She didn’t know why she acted the way she did around Ricky. She didn’t know why she was harsh on him. She didn’t know why she couldn’t have a proper conversation with him. Most importantly, she didn’t know why she didn’t just ask him about what had happened during Christmas break.  
 _Or maybe I do know._  
Maybe some part of her was still holding on to what he had done on her first day as an excuse to keep her distances with him. Maybe deep down she knew that, if she understood why he had acted the way he did, then she wouldn’t be able to hide behind her anger anymore. Which was pretty stupid, because she wasn’t even really angry about it anymore. But she was still holding on to it as an excuse not to let Ricky Bowen get close to her. Because she was scared of what would happen if he did.

At some point in the night, after hours of tossing and turning and trying – and failing – to fall asleep, Nina got up, put a sweater on and left her dorm.  
It was the first time she was wandering in the hallways past curfew. It felt weird, because she knew she wasn’t supposed to be here, but at the same time it was exciting. She usually never broke the rules.  
 _Well, there’s a first for everything._

It gave her some time to think. But the more she thought about the whole Ricky situation, the more confused she got.  
At the exact moment she decided it was pointless and she’d better go back to her room, she heard footsteps. It was probably one of the supervisors who was precisely supposed to make sure no one was out after curfew.  
Instinctively, she jumped in the first unlocked classroom she found.  
She hadn’t exactly ran but the adrenaline had made her out of breath, and she spent a few seconds trying to breathe normally again.

Just when she had calmed down, she heard a noise at the back of the classroom. She wasn’t alone.  
Of course, the lights weren’t on, which made the whole scene ten times creepier and which also kept her from really seeing who was in the room with her.  
A few seconds later, she was momentarily blinded by a flash-light. The other person was holding their phone’s light right in her face – thankfully, she was still a bit far away, near to the door.  
“Nini?” she heard, and something in her clicked.  
“Ricky?” she asked, confused.  
Not bearing being in the dark, she took the risk to turn on the lights. She didn’t think it’d be visible from the corridor anyway.  
“What are you doing here?” the boy asked in a tone that suggested she wasn’t welcome.  
“I… What are _you_ doing here?”  
Her brain was a little slow at that time of night but she could still tell that it was strange for Ricky to be alone in a dark classroom. At midnight. And with his guitar in his hands.  
“I asked first,” he said, and something in his voice encouraged Nina to walk closer to him.  
She hadn’t noticed from across the room but, when she was just a few feet away from him, she saw how sad Ricky looked. And his eyes were a little red, as if he had been crying.  
“Ricky, are you okay?” she asked, genuine concern in her voice.  
“Like you care,” he answered dismissively.  
“What?” she was surprised at the harsh tone he had used.   
_Well, it’s only fair, considering how I’ve been treating him._  
“You don’t get to come in here and ask me how I am.” He wasn’t yelling, but the anger in his voice was undeniable. “Not when you’ve been ignoring me for _weeks_. I thought that after our talk you were willing to start over, but clearly I was wrong, and you’ve made it very clear that you don’t want to be my friend. So don’t act like you are.”  
His words had much more impact on Nina that she had expected. Maybe because she knew they were true. She had spent a great deal of time making sure Ricky and her weren’t growing close. So why did it hurt so much?  
 _Don’t you dare complain. You brought this on yourself._

She hesitated for a few more seconds before blurting out: “Ricky, what happened to you during Christmas break?”  
Of course he couldn’t know that, but her asking him this meant a lot. Because it meant she was ready to truly forgive him. She was ready to let go of that comfortable feud they had.

He looked up to her, confused. “Why are you asking me that?”  
Nina tried to keep her heart from breaking at the sound of his voice cracking.  
She thought about it for a few seconds. Thought about how she couldn’t tell him why she was asking him that without sounding like a crazy teenage girl.  
Finally, she spoke: “I’m asking you that because I’ve tried hating you, and it lead me nowhere. Because I can’t. No matter how much I try to convince myself that you’re a jerk, it doesn’t work, and it’s starting to be ridiculous for me to pretend I hate you.”  
He shook his head a little, obviously confused. “Why would you even _pretend_ to hate me?”  
“Because!” She closed her eyes for a second, and then decided not to open them again. “Because it’s easier. Because if I don’t feel anger, I feel something else. Something that makes me feel like I’m drawn to you, that makes me want to hug you whenever I see you like this.” She opened her eyes. “And it’s confusing me, and I hate it.”  
Ricky was looking at her, puzzled, not knowing if she was done talking or if she was going to add something else. “Why?” he finally asked. “Why would you fight your own feeling so hard?”  
“Because I don’t understand them!”  
For some reason, she felt out of breath, and it took her a few seconds to recover.  
And then she realised something. Of course. Of course she was torturing herself – and Ricky – because she was just afraid of not being in control.

They stared at each other for some time, neither of them knowing what to say next.  
Finally, after what felt like an eternity of silence, Ricky spoke. “You’re really something, Nini.”  
She sighed, wordlessly acknowledging that she was stupid. “I’m sorry,” she said.  
He studied her some more before looking away.  
“My parents split up,” he said suddenly.  
It took Nina a few moments to realise he was telling her about his Christmas break.  
Something he hadn’t even told his friends – apart from Gina, of course.

Nina didn’t talk, afraid she’d say something dumb and ruin the moment.  
“They told me they were getting a divorce the day before we went back to school. That shook me up quite a bit.”  
Nina was close enough to see the tears forming in his eyes. “I’m so sorry” was all she managed to say. He shook his head a little.  
“That’s not even it.”  
She saw how painful it was for him to talk about it, and she suddenly regretted mentioning Christmas break altogether.  
“On the first day back, my mom drove me to school. I was mad at her – at the world, really, but especially at her because she was the one who was going to move out – and so I left without saying goodbye. But then I felt stupid about it. So, I turned around and went back to the car to apologise.”  
He marked a little pause. He wasn’t looking at Nina, but she was looking at him, and when she saw that he was crying she reached out and grabbed his hand, without really realising what she was doing. He let her.  
“When I came back she was on the phone with someone. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, I was going to wait until she was done so I could talk to her. But I heard enough to understand that she was talking to her new boyfriend.”  
Nina squeezed his hand, a silent attempt to comfort him.  
“That just… that fucked me up,” he continued. “I left before she could see me and I walked into the school. And I guess that’s when I bumped into you. Honestly, I was so angry that I don’t think I even realised it.”

Nina wanted to say something so bad, but she didn’t find the right words, so she just hugged him. She thought about all the time she had been mean to him because of this, and she felt so stupid. She spent the next five minutes beating herself up for making it even harder for him when he was already having a hard time.

After some time, he started really crying, and she hugged him tighter. Eventually, he hugged her back, and they stayed like that for a while, Nina gently massaging the back of his neck.  
“I’m sorry for being such a jerk to you,” she said after a few minutes.  
She felt his breath on her neck. “I’ll forgive you if you promise me that all this is behind us now,” he said.  
She smiled. “Deal.”  
She felt like a weight had been taken off her shoulders.

Eventually, they were both aware that they had been hugging for way too long.  
Yet neither let go of the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this chapter sucks,, i'm so sorry i tried my best


	8. Adjusting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. Also, thank you for your kinds comments concerning the previous chapter, it really means a lot to me!  
> Unrelated: I don't actually go to high school in the US; I have close to no idea how things work there so I'm sorry if I ever describe anything unaccurate.  
> xx  
> Ailey

When she woke up the next morning, Nina felt weird. She was exhausted, because she had gone to bed so late, but the sensation had nothing to do with her lack of sleep. And everything to do with Ricky Bowen.  
They were officially… friends? The thought was strange. Nina had spent more than a month hating him and blaming him for every little thing he did wrong… and suddenly all of that was gone.  
She had a hard time admitting it to herself, but she liked the idea that Ricky and her could start fresh. She really did. However, she had just lost all her bearings, and she wasn’t sure how to act.

The previous day, when they had eventually broken the hug, Nina had smiled shyly and Ricky had suggested they go to bed. Ever since then, Nina had wondered how their next encounter would go.

It turned out to be not as exciting as she had thought. They didn’t even talk.  
It was third period, and Nina had Algebra, which was one of the rare classes she shared with Ricky. They both arrived at the classroom’s door at the same time and stared awkwardly at the other. Eventually, Ricky gestured for her to go first and she just slightly smiled at him, thanking him silently, before going in and walking to her desk.

Ricky was sitting in the front row – legacy from when Nina took his spot without meaning to – which allowed her to look at his back during one hour. Well, during forty minutes, to be exact, because at one point he turned around and caught her staring, and she didn’t dare to look at him again after that.

So, as she had feared, their dynamic was now new and confusing, and neither seemed to really know how to act around the other. 

Lunch finally came. Nina had spent the last couple of hours wondering whether Ricky would eat with them. Thinking about it, she didn’t see a reason why he wouldn’t, but with him she could never know.

When she sat down at her group’s table, everyone was already there. Except Ricky. She tried to ignore the sad feeling in her heart. She sat between Kourtney and Seb, and tried to catch up on the conversation.  
They were talking about exams – they had their last one the next day. Carlos was fully freaking out because he hadn’t studied enough, and Seb and Ashlyn were trying to calm him down. Kourtney and Big Red were having a conversation of their own.

Nina was about to join in the Carlos support group when she spotted Ricky entering the cafeteria. She felt paralysed for a few seconds, like she couldn’t move or look away.  
He didn’t see her, and Nina noticed he was scanning the room, looking for someone.  
 _Probably Gina_ , she thought.  
But then his gaze settled on Nina, and he smiled, making his way towards where she was sitting.  
“Hey,” he said, casually sitting down between Seb and her.  
Their friends’ conversations suddenly stopped, and if Nina had to take a guess it had nothing to do with the fact that Ricky had just joined and everything to do with where he had chosen to sit.  
Kourtney, especially, looked shocked. She grabbed Big Red’s arm. “What’s happening?” she asked him, unable to look away. “Are Nina and Ricky sitting next to each other or do I have to go see an eye doctor?”  
“I’m not sure,” Big Red replied, as confused as her.  
Well, everyone looked confused, actually, which made Nina very uncomfortable. It also made her realise that she had been so mean to Ricky that it surprised _everyone_ that the two of them could even _sit_ next to each other.

When the awkwardness of the situation became unbearable, Ricky tried to start a conversation in order to distract the rest of the table.  
“Huh, Gina told me she had a date with her girlfriend so she won’t be eating with us.”  
It hardly worked. Thankfully Seb, who felt like everyone else was overreacting, was willing to try and talk about something else. “How’s Rachel?” he asked.  
“I don’t see her that much, but I think she’s good. Gina hasn’t told me otherwise, anyway,” Ricky replied.

Eventually the others got over the fact that Nina and him were sitting next to each other – especially since the two of them hadn’t even talked – and reported their focus back on their conversations. Nina listened.  
Just as everything was going back to normal, she felt Ricky’s knee brush against her own. She didn’t know if he had done it on purpose, but it made her brain freeze for a few seconds.  
Since when did Ricky’s touch affect her that much?  
She became suddenly aware of how close they were sitting. She could feel the warmth of his body, even though they weren’t exactly touching. That realisation crushed her poor attempts at following the discussion. All she could focus on at the moment was trying not to look suspicious. It got worse when Ricky put his right arm on the table and it touched her own. Thankfully it was winter and both of their arms were covered in clothes, because Nina didn’t know how she would have reacted if their bare arms had touched. Plus, thanks to the fabric, no one could see the goosebumps on her arms.

“All right, well, wish me luck because I have History right now and I’m afraid I’m going to fall asleep on my desk,” Kourtney said when the bell rang.  
Ashlyn laughed a little. “Kourt, are you serious?” she asked.  
“What?” Kourtney said defensively. “I get really sleepy after lunch!”  
“No, I mean, did you seriously forget? We have a school assembly right now!”  
Kourtney’s eyes widened. “Really?” she asked, way too excited. “Oh, thank God! I can definitely sleep through that!”  
Everyone laughed as they started getting up. Nina immediately felt cold without Ricky’s body next to hers. She figured she needed a few minutes alone to get a hold of herself before going to the gym.  
“You guys go ahead,” she said, “I’ll join you in a sec.”

When she stepped into the bathroom, it was empty. Everyone was already going to the gym.   
_This will just take a second and then I’ll be on my way, too_ , Nina thought.  
She just needed to be alone for two minutes to talk some sense into herself. What was going on with her? It wasn’t like her to get flustered and distracted just because Ricky’s arm happened to touch hers for a millisecond.

Without thinking much, she turned on the tap and splashed water all over her face. Maybe cold water would help her come back to her senses.  
What Nina had forgotten, though, was that, of all days, she had chosen that day to put on mascara. She usually didn’t wear make-up, but today her dark circles were huge and she thought a little bit of mascara would help. And maybe it had, except now she was all alone in a bathroom, mascara all around her eyes and… her make-up remover was in her dorm. Of course it was.

So, she tried taking it off with water and toilet paper. Needless to say, it was a disaster. Nothing was coming off, and after five good minutes of fighting tears, Nina gave in. She cried as she kept trying to take the make up off. She was definitely going to be late to the school assembly. There was no one around to help her. She was going to have to go out there looking like a freaking panda.

Why hadn’t she asked Kourtney to go to the bathroom with her, again? Oh, right. Because she wanted to be alone. To be able to think straight about… Ricky.  
She suddenly felt anger rising. But not against Ricky. Against herself.  
She was angry and frustrated because she was an idiot. Because Ricky made her feel things she didn’t want to feel, and because there wasn’t anything she could do about it. Above all else, she was angry because now that things had settled down between Ricky and her, he didn’t have any reason to talk to her anymore. He certainly hadn’t talked to her at lunch. No, now that they were somewhat friends, Ricky could just go on with his life and not have to worry about Nina anymore. Why did the thought hurt so much?

After maybe ten minutes of fighting against the wet mascara on her skin, Nina managed to stop her tears and decided she had cleaned her face enough to go out in public. She couldn’t really afford to be any more late, anyway. So what if she still had some mascara on her cheeks and if her eyes were red? She walked out of the bathroom and started jogging a bit in the empty hallways to get to the gym.

When she got there, it hadn’t started so no one really noticed she was late. The students were too busy chatting, waiting for the dean to appear and talk about whatever it was she wanted to talk about, and the teachers were too busy trying to get everyone to shut up.

So, it hadn’t started. But everyone was already here, sitting. And Nina couldn’t find her friends in the crowd. Nor a free spot, for that matter.  
 _Shit_ , she thought.  
It would have been bad enough if she had had to sit alone, but now she didn’t even _have_ a place to sit.

She was seriously about to sit on the floor, near the exit, when she heard a familiar voice call her name. “Nini! There you are.”  
She turned her head to the left and saw Ricky making his way to her, going down the bleachers. “Come on,” he continued when her was close enough to grab her arm, “I saved you a sit.”

Stunned, she let him guide her to where their friends where sitting. She tried not to, but she could help smiling, because _he had saved her a sit_. She sat down next to him and didn’t even fight the urge to look at him instead of focusing her attention on the teacher who was trying to silence the crowd of students. Eventually, Ricky must have felt her gaze on him because he turned to face her. He frowned a little, probably noticing her red eyes. “Are you okay?”  
She nodded and was about to turn back when he added with a chuckle: “You have mascara on your eyelid.”  
She closed her eyes, embarrassed as she remembered what she must have looked like. Water was hardly effective on waterproof mascara.  
“Right. Make-up incident,” she told Ricky. “And I don’t have anything to wipe it off. I tried water, but I really wouldn’t recommend it.”  
Ricky nodded, still frowning a little, as if he were thinking hard.  
Then, he turned to the person to his left, and Nina figured their conversation was over. She tried to ignore the dry feeling in her mouth – it was weird that Ricky would just… end their conversation like that. Like he didn’t care at all.  
But then, maybe he didn’t.

Just as the thought occurred to Nina, Ricky turned back to her. He handed her what she thought at first was a tissue.  
“Here,” he said, and as she grabbed it she realised it wasn’t a tissue but a make-up remover wipe. “I know it’s not really eco-friendly, but it’s all Gina has.”  
Nina tried to suppress her growing smile. “You asked Gina for wipes… for me?”  
Ricky didn’t seem to pick up on her disbelieving tone. “Yeah,” he said like it was the most natural thing in the world. “I know she always carries some in her bag.”

The whole situation felt honestly surreal to Nina. How could she have ever thought that Ricky Bowen was an asshole? When he had saved her a sit and handed her a wipe just a day after they had reconciled? Nina felt so stupid she just sat frozen for a bit. Ricky had already turned to focus on the dean – who had just appeared – when she realised she hadn’t even thanked him.  
“Thank you, Ricky,” she said, putting her hand on his shoulder.  
He looked at her like he had already forgotten what she was thanking him for. “My pleasure, Nini.”

“As some of you may know, we had to cancel the Winter Dance due to a minor fire that made the gym unfit for such an event during the entirety of December.”  
The dean was five minutes into her speech and she was finally getting to the point. If Nina had wondered why all afternoon classes had been cancelled for the school assembly, she understood now. With the dean arriving twenty minutes late, and the good ten minutes it took for the students to stop talking, the assembly was going to take so long that there was just no point in resuming lessons afterwards.  
“It is my pleasure to announce that the gym is operational again and that the dance has been rescheduled!”  
Excited gasps and whispers were heard in the bleachers.  
“The annual Conservatory Winter Dance will be held on the 28th of February. You will be able to buy your ticket as soon as tomorrow at the cafeteria and until the day of the dance.”

The dean then talked during a good half-hour about other unimportant things. What everyone was still talking about when the assembly was over was the upcoming dance.  
“I can’t believe they rescheduled it!” Carlos was saying. “This is so exciting!” He was jumping everywhere as the group of friends was making their way to a picnic table situated on school grounds.  
Then he suddenly stopped and grabbed Seb by both shoulders. “Oh my God,” he said very seriously. “Will you go to the dance with me?”  
Seb smiled so widely Nina was afraid he was going to hurt his jaw. “Only if we wear matching ties,” he answered.  
Carlos squealed and resumed jumping like a little kid who was just told he was going to Disneyland. For a second, Nina was jealous of what him and Seb had.

Nina shivered as she sat down on the picnic table’s bench. Sure, the sun was warming her face a little, but it was still mid-February and she was _freezing_. However, she didn’t say anything because she enjoyed hanging out with her friends like that, and she didn’t want to force the whole group to go back inside. So, she held on and listened to Kourtney who was telling her all about the dress she was going to wear for the dance – she already had it because she had planned on wearing it for the original Winter ball, back in December. That reminded Nina that she didn’t have a dress – or anything that would do for a high school dance, really. She’d have to figure something out in the two weeks she had left.

At some point, Kourtney started talking with Ashlyn and Big Red. Nina, feeling that finally no one’s attention was on her, covered her ears with her hands in an attempt to warm them. They were so cold it actually hurt.   
After a few seconds, though, she saw a blue beanie landing in front of her, on the table.  
Surprised, she looked up, and her eyes found Ricky, who was sitting opposite her. She frowned at him, silently asking him why he had thrown her his beanie.  
He smiled softly and mimed putting the hat on his head.  
Too cold to hesitate much longer, Nina grabbed it and put it on, the warmth of the wool immediately making her feel better.  
For the second time that day, she thanked him. 

Finally feeling like she wasn’t about to freeze to death, Nina reported her attention back on her friends. Seb and Carlos were still eagerly talking about the dance – Carlos was already scheduling after-class dance rehearsals for the two of them – and Kourtney and Big Red were laughing at something Ashlyn had said. To Nina’s surprise – and maybe relief? – no one had seemed to notice what had just happened between Ricky and her.  
 _They won’t talk about what they haven’t even seen_.

That night, despite Nina’s tiredness, she couldn’t sleep. She kept tossing and turning, and she was afraid she was bothering Gina, who, surprisingly enough, was in bed before midnight. For once, she was the one sleeping peacefully, and Nina was the one who was up at unholy hours – well, it was barely past midnight, but Nina was used to being in bed before 10:30 p.m.

Eventually, a little before one a.m., she couldn’t take it anymore and she got up. The fact that she hadn’t been caught sneaking out after curfew the day before gave her the confidence boost she needed to dress up quickly and silently leave the room. She started wandering aimlessly in the dark and empty corridors, tensing up every time she heard a sound.

She didn’t realise where her feet were leading her until she found herself in front of room 118A – the classroom where she had encountered Ricky the night before.  
She stopped in front of it, unsure about what to do. From the corridor, she couldn’t see whether or not the lights were on inside the room.  
 _Do I want them to be on?_ she wondered.  
She tried to crush the hope she felt rising in her chest.

It was ridiculous. There was no way Ricky was here again. She still didn’t know why he had been here the night before, but it was probably a one time thing. Plus, it was so late – much later than the day before. So, even if Ricky had been here earlier, he must have been gone by now.  
And why did she even wonder about all of that? It wasn’t like she cared whether or not he was inside.

_Liar._  
Because if she didn’t care, then why did she want to check so bad? And why was her heart beating so fast? And why was her hand slightly shaking when she reached for the doorknob?

She hesitated for another couple of seconds. She almost let go of the door and turned away, but she was already here. She might as well have checked.  
Convincing herself that the room would be empty anyway, she opened the door.

The room was dark. As she reached for the light switch, she tried to steady her breath. Her attempts turned out to be useless when the white neons revealed a curly-haired boy sitting on a desk in the back of the room, guitar in hand. Surprised by the lights, he put an arm in front of his eyes. “What the-” he started, confused.

Then he looked up and locked eyes with Nina.


	9. Liar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ricky's pov!!!! because why not? Enjoy!

Ricky and Big Red had become friends in 8th grade. Ricky was sitting alone in a corner, sad because his parents wouldn’t stop fighting, and Big Red had sat down next to him and offered him a cookie. Ricky’s parents had eventually made up, and Ricky and Big Red had been inseparable ever since. Life was so simple back then.

Somehow, they had both gotten into the Conservatory – Ricky because he sang and played several instruments, and Big Red because he danced. There, they had met Seb, Carlos and Ashlyn, and they had quickly become friends. They all had other friends, of course, but the five of them shared a deep connection, something special that could never really fade. However, things started changing during their Junior year – especially for Ricky.

If his parents hadn’t split up back in 8th grade, Ricky had always known deep down that things were broken between them. They were fighting and screaming a lot, and the fact that their only son attended a boarding school and was therefore rarely home didn’t help. Theoretically, Ricky knew all of that. But it didn’t keep him from hoping that his parents would find a way to make their relationship work – as they always did – and would stay together forever.

It was around October that Ricky met Gina. She was a year younger than him, but they were in the school’s musical together and inevitably started hanging out and became friends. For some reason, she never integrated Ricky’s group of friends. Not that he was keeping her from it, but it just… never happened. It didn’t really matter, because he managed to split his time between her and the others.

The thing with Gina was that she really got him. And the fact that she was an only child, like him, and that she had some problems at home helped them connect and build a relationship that resembled one of siblings.

When Ricky’s parents told him, during Christmas Break, that they were getting a divorce, Ricky immediately turned to Gina, because she was like a sister to him. Like family. And what he needed the most at that moment was a family. And so she helped him. She listened to his thoughts, wiped off his tears and hugged him when his hands were shaking. 

It wasn’t until it was too late that Ricky noticed how he had grown away from his other friends – Big Red, Seb, Carlos and Ashlyn. He had let the comfort of Gina’s friendship drive him away from his friends, which made him feel extremely ashamed. Once, he considered showing up at their lunch table to apologise and explain as much as he could without breaking into tears. But when he arrived there, he saw that his seat was already taken by the new girl who was in his Algebra class and her friend. So he turned away and left.

All in all, January had been a tough month for Ricky. Things had only started to get better recently, when he had slowly but surely earned his spot back in his group of friends. So, he was doing fine for the first time in quite some time. Things were almost back to normal. Or they would have been, if it wasn’t for _her_. Nini Salazar-Roberts. Ricky could try as hard as he wanted, he could never get her out of his mind, and it was starting to be a problem. Because he had never been good at keeping his crushes secret.

A few hours before Nina walked into classroom 118A, Ricky was in his bed, trying to sleep. Unfortunately for him, Big Red, who was his roommate, had gotten a new machine to help with his sleep apnea a few weeks ago, which was good for Big Red and terribly bad for Ricky. He’d never tell his friend, but it was unbearable to the point where he couldn’t sleep unless he was so tired that he was physically unable to keep his eyes open. He didn’t remember the last time he had managed to fall asleep at a decent hour.

By now, Ricky was starting to get used to sneaking out once Big Red was asleep. He’d settle in an empty classroom – usually classroom 118A because it was always unlocked and the supervisors never checked this hallway – and either do some homework or play guitar. More often than not, he’d choose the latter option, playing until he was exhausted enough to be sure he’d fall asleep easily once back in his bed.

That night was no different. He left his room at around 11 p.m. with careful and silent steps, taking his guitar with him. 

When he sat down on a desk at the back of the classroom, he tried to push away any thought related to Nini. Just because, for some reason, she’d been here the night before didn’t mean she’d come back again tonight. Of course not. It was definitely a bad idea to expect she would. Because, why would she? As far as Ricky knew, she had no reason to. Plus, she seemed pretty tired earlier. So she was probably already sound asleep.

In order to distract himself from thinking about her, Ricky picked up his guitar and started playing. It wasn’t easy, playing in the dark, but he didn’t want to turn the lights on. For some reason, playing in the dark felt more… intense. Nothing to look at, nothing to be distracted by. Just the sound of the guitar. Ricky liked it.

At that moment, he was playing a melody he had had in his head for the last couple of days. He knew he had invented it, but he couldn’t think of what he was doing as composing. It was just… him, playing around with a guitar. It was nothing serious, and _composing_ sounded serious.  
The tune he was playing wasn’t even complete. It felt to him like something was missing. Maybe lyrics?

Just as he was starting to think about that, he heard the door opening and closing immediately after. Before he had time to understand what was happening, the room lit up, blinding Ricky, who quickly brought his right arm in front of his eyes to protect himself. “What the-” he started, surprised. The words got stuck in his throat, however, when he glanced at the door and saw Nini standing there.

It was hard to tell which of the two was more surprised. Ricky – who had spent the last couple of hours trying to convince himself that Nini wouldn’t come – was definitely shocked with the current turn of events, but so was she. She had that look on her face that people have when they try to do something and are surprised when they actually manage to do it.

They both stared at each other from afar for a few seconds, neither knowing what to say. Finally, when it was clearly becoming awkward, Nini started walking slowly towards him at the back of the classroom.  
“I was wondering if you’d be here,” she told him when she was just a few feet away from his desk.  
He chuckled softly. “I was wondering if you’d come,” he answered.  
“Really?” she asked.  
“Yeah.  
Her eyes lit up, and it was at that moment that Ricky realised that, deep down, he had been _waiting_ for her. That the reason why he was still here so late was because he hadn’t wanted to leave until she arrived.

Except, now that she was here, he wasn’t sure what to say. ‘I was waiting for you’ definitely sounded too creepy. ‘I’m glad you’re here’ was too straightforward…

“It was nice today,” he finally settled for. “You know, being friendly with each other.”  
Nini gave him a look he couldn’t quite decipher.   
“Thank you again,” she told him.  
“What for?”  
She looked at him with wide eyes.  
“Are you kidding? For saving me a sit at the school assemble, for starters. Then for asking for make up wipes for me. And then for giving me your beanie when you noticed I was freezing.”  
Ricky couldn’t help his heart from beating faster when he realised that she had been paying attention to every little thing he had done for her. It had come so naturally to him that he hadn’t thought she’d even notice. But clearly he was wrong.  
“I forgot to bring it back, by the way,” she continued. “Sorry. I didn’t think I’d actually see you tonight.” She looked away, blushing. “You’ll have it tomorrow.”  
“It’s okay, Nini, you can keep it,” Ricky just said. “My ears don’t get cold.”  
She laughed at his remark. “Liar.”  
He raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything else. So what if he was lying? He’d let his ears freeze a thousand times if it meant he could see her wearing _his_ beanie again. It made him feel weird – a good weird – to see her wearing something that was his. He tried not to imagine her in one of his hoodies.  
After a few seconds of silence, Nini seemed to pick up on something he had just said.  
“Why do you always call me Nini?” she asked. “You do know my name is Nina, right?”  
Ricky laughed and put his guitar aside – he had just realised he was still holding it and it just felt like an unnecessary obstruction between the two teenagers.  
“Obviously I know what your name is,” he said, still smiling. “But, I don’t know. For the record, the first time I called you Nini I legit thought it was your name. Then I guess I kept calling you that because I saw how it annoyed you and I wanted to get back at you for being mean to me for no reason. It was really frustrating, by the way. Not knowing why you hated me.”  
She laughed nervously, obviously feeling uncomfortable. “Sorry again for that.”  
She couldn’t even look at him now.  
“It’s okay, you came around,” he told her with a soft voice which he hoped would make her understand that he was over it. It seemed to work because she looked up and their eyes met. He continued: “Now, I call you Nini because I think it suits you. And also because you blush every time you hear it and it’s just the cutest thing.”  
They both froze.  
 _My brain did not approve of this last sentence_ , Ricky thought.  
“Okay, that is _not_ true!” she eventually said. _Blushing_. “It’s just my annoyed face because I _hate_ the name Nini. I’m not an eight-year-old.”  
“Oh, okay,” he said teasingly, instantly forgetting to be embarrassed about telling her that she was cute. “So you want me to call you Nina then?”  
Even saying it didn’t feel right to him.   
She looked at him, frowning, for a few seconds.  
“I hate you because now it’s weird when you say it,” she said after a few seconds.  
“What? Nina? It’s your name.”  
“Yeah, but now I’m so used to you calling me Nini that it’s just _weird_!”  
Ricky managed to frown and smile at the same time.  
“Are you seriously asking me to keep calling you Nini?”  
She exhaled, annoyed. “Yes,” she told him with a threatening tone. “But if you tell anyone we had this conversation, I will _end_ you. And I’ll deny it, of course. It would just make everyone else think that _they_ can call me Nini, too, and just… no.”  
“So, I’m the only one who is allowed to call you Nini?”  
She really was blushing now, and Ricky loved that it was because of him. And he _loved_ that he had just earned the privilege of calling her Nini.   
“I guess,” she said, not looking at him. Her cheeks were still very red.  
“Cool.”

Neither of them added anything in the following moments. Despite trying not to, Ricky couldn’t help but stare at Nini because she was just _so_ beautiful. Which, of course, made Nini feel embarrassed because she didn’t like to be stared at. But maybe, just maybe, she didn’t mind so much if Ricky was the one who was doing it.

“So, what are you working on?” she asked him a few seconds later to break the silence.  
“Huh?”  
“The guitar?” she said, pointing at the instrument.  
“Oh, right!” he shook his head a little, hoping it would help him clear his head. “Nothing special, really.”  
“Can I hear?”  
“I, um… Can I show you another time?”  
She frowned.  
“It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that it’s not finished yet.”  
“Oh, okay,” she said with a high-pitched voice. She tried to make it sound like she didn’t care but Ricky still felt like she did.  
“I swear, once I’m done, you’ll be the first one to hear it. In the meantime…”  
He started playing a melody that she instantly recognised.  
“You’re not serious?” she said, laughing.  
“I’m very serious!” he defended himself. “Don’t even try to tell me that an acoustic version wouldn’t be cool!”  
She laughed again, looking at him like he was insane but she didn’t really mind.  
“Okay, maybe it would be a little bit cool…” she conceded.

That night, Ricky discovered that there was nothing else in the world that would ever feel like singing an acoustic version of _Lay All Your Love On Me_ with Nini, in an empty classroom and in the middle of the night. It felt so special that he wished it would never end.

But then it did end, and soon after Ricky was back in his bed. He was more awake than ever, but even Big Red’s sleep machine couldn’t bother him as he replayed the night’s events in his head, over and over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to update! I hope you liked this chapter :) feel free to let me know in the comments, it always warms my heart!  
> xx Ailey


	10. Everything is perfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there aren't enough words to express how sorry I am that this chapter took this long for me to write and publish. it's not even that special. i guess it's just that a lot happened - in the world and in my personal life - since my last update, and I didn't really have the heart nor the motivation to write. i finally finished this chapter but I can't guarantee that the next one will be here soon - i just don't know.  
> anyway, thank you for sticking with me. i hope you still enjoy the story.
> 
> xx ailey

Following their secret night meeting, things were good for Nina and Ricky. School was okay and rehearsal was actually fun when they both put their heart into it. Nina could feel that Miss Jenn was finally satisfied with the way they portrayed Sophie and Sky, and it made Nina feel proud. The thought that Ricky and her were convincing as lovers never failed to make her blush, though.

Maybe a week after their last encounter in classroom 118A, Nina was rehearsing a scene with Ashlyn while everyone else was busy memorising their own lines or dance moves. Nina was trying as hard as she could to picture Ashlyn as her mother when she was in fact younger than her. The thought was a bit ridiculous to her, but Ashlyn was such a good actress that it was somehow believable.

In the scene, Donna and Sophie were fighting. Sophie, angry, was turning away from her mother, and so Nina turned to face the public. And that was when she noticed a familiar face in the public. Ricky.  
Usually, when he wasn’t needed for a scene, Ricky would go backstage and play guitar. Nina didn’t remember him just sitting and watching a scene, not even once. Which is why she couldn’t manage to repress a smile, event though her character was supposed to be angry.  
Not wanting to ruin the scene because she was smiling, Nina tried to focus her attention on anything else but Ricky. Her eyes fell on Big Red, who was also sitting in the public, although he wasn’t in the musical.

When their scene was over and after Miss Jenn told them all her notes, Nina approached Ashlyn.  
“Hey,” she said, “Have you noticed how Big Red is at almost every rehearsal even though he’s not in the musical?”  
Ashlyn froze imperceptibly for a second and then shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s probably here to support Ricky. Or for you, maybe.”  
Nina smiled at how oblivious her friend was.  
“Me?” the she said softly. “Ashlyn, I think he’s here for you?”  
Ashlyn frowned. “What do you mean?”  
“Are you kidding me? Haven’t you noticed the way he looks at you, like, _all the time_?”  
Ashlyn blushed.  
“I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.”  
Although the situation was incredibly funny to Nina, she also couldn’t quite believe that Ashlyn had never noticed how Big Red was with her. Shy and soft and in constant awe.  
“Okay, that’s it,” Nina said. “Come with me.”  
She grabbed her friend’s hand and lead her to where the two boys were sitting

It wasn’t until she was in front of Ricky and Big Red, her fingers still wrapped around Ashlyn wrist, that Nina realised she had no idea what she was doing. She wanted to establish communication between Ashlyn and Big Red, but how was she supposed to do that?  
And why did Ricky have to be here? Because now a few seconds had passed and no one had said anything and he probably thought she was either crazy or stupid. Or both.  
“Is there something that you wanted to tell us?” Ricky asked, unsure of what was happening.  
Nina blinked and turned to Big Red.  
“Big Red!” she said with a little too much enthusiasm. “So, um… what did you think of Ashlyn’s performance? She’s good, isn’t she?”  
He didn’t answer right away.  
“Dude, are you even redder than usual?” Ricky asked, laughing, which comforted Nina in her intuition that Big Red liked Ashlyn.  
“Shut up,” he said, pushing Ricky away from him. Then, he brought his attention back on the girl in front of him. “You were great, Ashlyn, as always,” he said shyly.  
“Oh, thanks,” she replied, looking embarrassed and pleased at the same time.

After a few minutes of small talk, Nina – who was still standing – gently pushed Ricky’s leg with her foot. “Hey, Ricky,” she started. “Didn’t you tell me you wanted to show me this… _thing_ , after practice?”  
She knew that her attempt at casually getting away was terrible and wouldn’t normally fool anyone, but Big Red and Ashlyn didn’t seem to notice.  
“Did I?” Ricky said, frowning. “I don’t remem-”  
He stopped mid-sentence when he saw the look Nina was giving him.  
“Ooh, right! _That_. Yeah, okay, let’s go.”

Nina picked up her stuff and together they made their way out of the auditorium.  
“What the hell was that?” Ricky asked after a few seconds.  
“ _That_ was giving Big Red and Ashlyn some alone time.”  
“Huh?” Ricky just said, obviously not understanding where Nina was coming from.  
“Come on!” she said. “Am I the _only_ one who’s noticed they both have a thing for the other?”  
Ricky frowned and seem to consider it for a bit. “Yeah…” he said eventually. “Maybe you’re right.”  
“Of course I’m right.”

They talked some more about the musical and school as Ricky walked Nina to her dorm.  
Ricky was already walking away and Nina was opening her door when he turned around and jogged back to her. “I forgot to tell you! Gosh, I’m such an idiot,” he said.  
Nina just laughed. “What is it?”  
“Seb and Carlos are hosting a sort of game night tonight in their room. I think they want to make it a Friday night tradition or something like that.”  
Nina’s heartbeat sped up at the thought, but it wasn’t clear to her whether she was invited or not. Maybe he just wanted her to tell Gina.  
“Okay,” she said carefully. “You want me to tell Gina?”  
Ricky face-palmed. “Oh shit. Yes! She’s invited, too. I honestly don’t know who thought it was a good idea to ask me to spread the word to our friends because I have the memory of a goldfish.”  
Nina smiled, not only because of what Ricky had just said but also because he _was_ inviting her.  
He left, giving Nina the room number after she reminded him she didn’t know where it was.

“Look, I get that you guys weren’t a couple when when you first became roommates, but now? It’s not like your relationship is a secret or anything. I can’t believe the school would let you two sleep in the same room.”  
Seb laughed at Nina’s astonishment.  
“I don’t get it either,” he said with a smile. “But I’m not complaining,” he added, looking at Carlos.  
The two boys were so in love it was disgusting. Well, not _disgusting_ exactly, but seeing them so happy together was a constant reminder to Nina of how alone she was.  
Well, romantically speaking. Because, even though she didn’t have a boyfriend, she had still managed to make great friends, which wasn’t a given when she first arrived to the Conservatory.  
“I know why they let us be roommates,” Carlos said when he and Seb were done kissing.  
“Gay rights?” Gina suggested, joining in the conversation. “Because if so, maybe I can force them to let Rachel be my roommate. No offense, Neens, but it would make everything easier.”  
Nina shook her head a little in a way that meant “none taken”.  
“No,” Carlos continued. “It’s because they’re stupid and haven’t realised that we’re dating while being roommates.”

Ashlyn arrived about ten minutes later, and barely got the time to sit down before being attacked by an overexcited Nina.  
“So?” she asked expectantly.  
“So… what?” Ashlyn said, confused.  
Nina nudged her. “You and Big Red! What happened after Ricky and I left?”  
“Oh, nothing much,” Ashlyn shrugged. “We talked a bit and then we went our separate ways.”  
“Are you kidding me?” Nina said like she was pleading. “You guys are unbelievable, it’s so frustrating!”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“You clearly both like the other, but apparently neither of you realises it yet.”  
Ashlyn was about to protest when Ricky called from the other side of the room.  
“Nini! Ashlyn! Come on, we’re going to start playing!”

After having spent way too much time arguing about what game they should play, the group of friends settled for Pictionary. Nina, Ricky and Big Red were playing against Seb, Gina, Kourtney and Ashlyn. And it was a complete disaster, because none of them could draw well.

“Potatoes! Rocks! No? Come on Nina, give me something!” Big Red was yelling.  
She was just about to draw the eyes when Ricky shouted “Snowman!”  
“Yes!” Nina yelled, excited.  
“Dude, how is that a snowman?” Big Red asked, confused.  
“Don’t you recognise Olaf? From Frozen?”  
“THAT’S NOT WHAT OLAF LOOKS LIKE,” Big Red yelled, confused and offended.  
“Guys, ENOUGH,” Carlos screamed. “Thanks. So, point to the Golden Trio. Gina, you’re next.”  
Nina sat back on the couch, laughing as the other team played. Soon after, it was their turn again.  
“Go Ricky!” Nina yelled when the boy got up to the board thing.  
“This is going to be impossible,” Big Red mumbled. “He’s even worse than you at drawing.”  
“I heard that!” Ricky said, offended.  
“Okay,” Carlos said while looking at the card, completely ignoring Big Red and Ricky. “This is a celebrity. 3, 2, 1, go!”  
Ricky immediately started drawing all over the board. First he drew what looked like a woman with bangs holding a mic. Then he drew a guitar and three cats. And he was halfway through drawing a stadium when Nina yelled “Taylor Swift!”  
“Point to the Golden Trio,” Carlos said as Ricky high-fived Nina.  
“Taylor Swift? How the fuck did you guess that?” Big Red asked, once again confused.  
“Well, the iconic bangs, obviously. Plus, the guitar. And she has three cats. And, of course, the reputation stadium tour,” Nina answered.  
Big Red kept looking astonished.  
“Since when do you know so much about Taylor Swift?” he asked Ricky.  
“Don’t blame me,” the boy just answered, shrugging.  
Nina and Gina burst out laughing while Big Red remained in his incomprehension.

“And the winners are…” Carlos was being dramatic, as always, as he was about to announce which team had won at Pictionary. “The Golden Trio!”  
Nina squealed and Ricky jumped all over the place. Without really thinking about it, Nina jumped in his arms and they hugged, perfectly aware of the fact that the weird understanding they had of the other’s way of drawing was what had gotten them victory.  
“Okay, did I miss something?” Nina overheard Kourtney ask the others. “Last time I checked, these two couldn’t stand each other.”

A few minutes later, Nina was chatting with Gina when she noticed that Ricky was sitting alone on Seb’s bed. She looked at him frowning, and only stopped when she heard Gina call her name.  
“Sorry,” she said, snapping out of it. “You were saying?”  
Gina looked at her with a soft smile, which would have been cute if she didn’t look like she thought Nina was a complete idiot.  
“Go talk to him,” she just told her.  
“What? Ricky? No, I’m talking to you.”  
“Nina, just go. Check if he’s okay.”  
She didn’t protest more and made her way to the boy. She tried to ignore the weird feeling she had in her stomach when she looked at him.  
“Hey,” she said, settling down next to him. “You okay?”  
“Hm?” Ricky looked like Nina had woken him up from a daydream. “Oh, yes, I’m fine.”  
Seeing Nina didn’t have much more to say, Ricky shifted a little bit on the bed. “Wanna sit?” he offered, pointing at the empty spot next to him.  
Without thinking about it too much, Nina sat next to him. They were so close that their knees touched unintentionally. Holding her breath, Nina waited for Ricky to re-establish the distance between them by removing his knee. To her surprise, he still hadn’t moved after a few seconds, and Nina eventually relaxed a bit.

After a few seconds of silence, Nina reached for her bag at the feet of the bed and grabbed Ricky’s beanie.  
“What are you doing?” the later asked.  
“I brought your beanie back,” Nina just answered.  
“Come on, Nini,” Ricky said, frowning. “I told you to keep it.”  
“I know, but…”  
“Don’t you want it?” Ricky asked, suddenly questioning his judgement.  
“No, it’s not that,” Nina immediately answered. “But if you give it to me then I have two and you have none. That’s ridiculous.”  
Grinning, Ricky took the beanie from her and placed it on her head. “You’re ridiculous,” he said, teasing.  
Faking being offended, Nina gently hit his arm, which resulted in Ricky tackling her on the bed and tickling her.

It turned out that Nina was _very_ sensitive to tickles. After a few minutes, Ricky was forced to stopped messing with her because he was scared she was going to choke to death.   
“Jeez, Nini,” he said after she had caught her breath. “I didn’t know I had that much effect on you.”  
“Shut up,” she replied, laughing. “This is not funny, I almost _died_!”  
She was still laughing, but Ricky’s smile suddenly faded. “Did I hurt you?” he asked, concerned.  
Nina tried to ignore the growing feeling in her stomach as she looked at her friend’s worried face.  
“Nothing a hug won’t fix,” she told him playfully.

As she felt his weight crash her down the bed in a warm embrace, she wondered when it was that she had become the kind of person Ricky hugged. It seemed like just yesterday when they were fighting about the play and other unimportant things. Not that she was complaining – Ricky’s arms around her body made her feel like nothing bad could ever happen to her.

They stayed like this for a few minutes, in silence, kind of in their own bubble. Their friends’ laughter and conversations faded in the background as Nina focused on breathing evenly. The only thing that got her out of her trance was hearing the first notes of _Dancing Queen_ play. Screaming, she pushed Ricky away from her – gesture that he welcomed with a grunt – and ran to the rest of her friends who were already preparing to sing.

In just a few seconds, the entire room was singing along to the iconic song, each one trying to sing louder than their neighbour. Although students were allowed to gather in the dorms on Friday nights, it was truly a miracle that the group didn’t get in trouble for making too much noise.

At the end of the song, Nina fell dramatically on top of Seb’s bed, laughing while trying to catch her breath. As she watched all of her friends cheer and hug each other, something hit her. She saw flashbacks of her in the car with her moms the night she decided she wanted to transfer to the Conservatory, and a few days later of her first day at this new school. Being here now, surrounded by her friends, singing along to the musical they were almost all starring in… she realised she had everything she was wishing for when she had left East High. Friends who encouraged her to be herself. A chance to express herself in _Mamma Mia!_. And… Her eyes found Ricky, and a shy smile formed on her lips. 

Ricky. She hadn’t expected him. It wasn’t a part of her plan to fall for a boy. And yet…   
She _was_ falling for him. And for the first time that night, she thought that maybe it didn’t have to be scary. Maybe she could just live in the moment, take things as they went, and everything would just be alright.

Noticing her gaze, Ricky made his way to her and sat on the bed. He distractedly put his hand on her knee as he asked her “What’s wrong?”.  
Nina frowned at him. Why did he assume anything was wrong?  
“I can see the tears in your eyes,” he added after seeing her confused face.  
“Oh,” she said, realising she was indeed almost crying. Wiping her tears with one hand, she put her other on top of his, which was still resting on her knee.  
“Nothing’s wrong,” she reassured him. “In fact, I’d even say that everything is perfect.”

Looking at Ricky’s smile and feeling his hand in hers, Nina felt sure of one thing. She was the happiest she had ever been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedbacks are always appreciated :)  
> also, here's my twitter if you want to keep up with me: @/fraythusiastic (i don't even talk about the fanfictions i write on it, it's just a random acc i guess)


	11. Karma

The week following the group’s little party was uneventful. Kind of.   
Although nothing extraordinary happened, a lot of things were going on in Nina’s brain.  
The night of the party, when she first admitted to herself that she was falling for Ricky, it didn’t seem like a big deal. Except it was. By the time she woke up the next morning, the Nina that was totally chill about her feelings for him was gone, as if she had been murdered by a completely freaked out version of herself.

It took her some time to understand how Ricky – whom she had hated from the very first minute she had stepped into the Conservatory – was suddenly the object of every single one of her thoughts. _All of them._ Whatever she was thinking about, it all came back to him, and it was starting to be very annoying.

Even though she rationally understood what had happened – she hated him but then, after clearing things up, they had become friends and had been rather close lately – Nina couldn’t stop wondering _how on earth_ she had let herself fall for Ricky Bowen. It was so _cliché_. Like, something out of a badly written fanfiction. And didn’t he have a girlfriend or something? He didn’t, right?

It was Friday evening and Nina was sitting on her bed. School was over for the day. She still had rehearsal that night but it didn’t start for another hour. She would have waited in her room, as she usually did, but the thought that Ricky maybe wasn’t as available as she had assumed really upset her, and the fact that she was upset about that only upset her even more.  
Refusing to sit alone and let her thoughts torture her, she decided to get to rehearsal early and re-read her lines. She already knew most of them but they were going off book soon and she wanted to be sure she was ready. And so, as a lot of people who try to repress their feelings do, Nina buried herself into work.

Or she would have, if E.J. hadn’t decided to show up early as well. Seeing him arrive in the corner of her eye, she had expected him to sit in a corner and do his own thing. It wasn’t like they were friends or anything. Come to think of it, Nina doubted she had ever talked to him outside of practice. Which was why it surprised her when he sat next to her.  
“Hey,” he said, trying to get her attention.  
“Hey,” she answered, not even looking up from her script.  
“We had the same idea, huh?”  
Finally, Nina looked up, but only to frown at him. What was that about now?  
“I mean, we both came here early,” he clarified.  
“Oh. Yeah, I guess.”  
It couldn’t have been more obvious that Nina wasn’t interested in chatting with E.J, really. And yet, he continued. There was no way to tell if it was because he couldn’t take a hint or because he could but just didn’t care.  
Completely ignoring him, Nina went back to reading her script.

“Hey, Nini, are you listening to me?”  
As if she had been hit by an electric shock, Nina looked up. It had seemed crazy to her that E.J was still trying to talk when she had been silently staring at her script for the past five minutes, but that he’d think he could call her ‘Nini’? When even some of her closest friends didn’t have that privilege?  
“Don’t call me that,” she said sharply.  
E.J seemed surprised that, out of all the things he had said, this was what had caught her attention.  
“What, Nini?”  
“What did I just say?”  
She must have looked really pissed, because he recoiled.  
“I’m sorry, I just hear Ricky calling you that like, all the time.” He sounded both confused and a little offended.  
“Yeah, well, you’re not Ricky,” was all Nina managed to say.  
Something shifted in E.J’s eyes. “Right. I’m not Ricky.”  
He just sat there for a few seconds, looking as if he had just understood something and it made him sad. Nina frowned but didn’t ask anything.  
“Okay, well, you obviously want to be alone so I’ll leave you to it.”  
 _Finally_ , she thought. Guys could be so dense sometimes.

Trying to get up, E.J actually lost his balance and fell back on his butt. Which was hilarious. And, as much as she tried not to, Nina couldn’t suppress her giggle. Giggle that turned into laughter when Nina caught the embarrassed look on E.J’s face. She didn’t like making fun of people, but this just felt like karma.  
Laughing nervously as well, E.J finally managed to get up and went sitting down a bit farther away.

Nina felt relieved when, a couple of minutes later, Ricky entered the room, breaking the awkward atmosphere that had been created. She expected him to go directly to her and greet her as he usually did, especially since they hadn’t seen each other all day, but Ricky sat several feet away from her, not even looking at her. Swallowing her disappointment and confusion, Nina stuck to trying to memorize her lines. She didn’t understand Ricky’s sudden coldness. Had she done something to upset him? Because he was very clearly ignoring her. He hadn’t looked at her once since he had entered the room, which was rather unusual these days. On the contrary, she was getting used to him smiling at her the moment he walked through the door and stepping immediately towards her to say hello or to high five her for no reason.

Just to make sure she wasn’t being paranoid, Nina made her way to Ricky. _Maybe he’s just tired or in a bad mood and doesn’t want to talk_ , she thought. Or hoped.  
But that wasn’t it, because when she was about two feet away from him, he got up, turned around and walked in the other direction. Once again, without even looking at her.

At this point, Nina was fighting back tears. The other theatre kids were starting to arrive and she didn’t want to look like a complete mess. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and when she opened them again she was faking a relaxed and happy face.

Unsurprisingly, rehearsal went terrible that day. Ricky was clearly mad at Nina, and she had no idea why. And, yes, she could see the irony. _This is probably my karma for how I acted with Ricky when I first got here_ , she thought.  
After twenty minutes of a disastrous attempt at working a scene with Ricky, Nina turned to their teacher.  
“Ms. Jenn, could Ricky and I talk in private for two minutes please?” she asked her, certain that an honest conversation would fix whatever was going on between the two of them.  
“Yes, that would be-” the teacher started to reply.  
“No, that’s not necessary,” Ricky cut her.   
When Nina shot him a wide eyed look, he just turned away and started the scene again. This time, he made an effort so that Nina or Ms. Jen wouldn’t have to stop rehearsal again. However, it was very clear to Nina (and to anyone who had eyes) that he was angry.

She meant to corner and confront him the second rehearsal was over, but then Kourtney asked her a question about some homework they had to do over the weekend and when she turned back after answering it, Nina found that Ricky was already gone. She still walked quickly out of the room, hoping that he had just left and she could still run after him, but she had no luck. He was nowhere to be found.

That night, Nina was lying in her bed listening to Taylor Swift’s _Forever & Always_ (a song that was way too underrated for her taste). She kept going back and forth between the original and the piano version because she couldn’t decide if her mood was more angry or sad.

After watching her roommate silently whine for approximately thirty minutes, Gina decided she had seen enough and unplugged her friend’s headphones from her phone. Before Nina even had time to open her mouth to complain, Gina started talking.  
“This is too much, Nina, I won’t allow it. And don’t even try to frown at me and pretend that you don’t know what I’m talking about. Stop acting like you’re living through a break-up when you and Ricky weren’t even together in the first place.” Nina shot her a deathly glare. “And don’t act like whatever happened couldn’t be fixed by a simple conversation. I swear, you guys are so stupid. How are you supposed to know what to do if you don’t talk with him and ask him what’s wrong?”  
Nina didn’t answer, but it was obvious that she (grudgingly) agreed with her roommate.  
“Please, just talk to him,” she added. “What do you have to lose?”  
“I could make you a list of all the things that could go wrong,” Nina answered and Gina sighed. “But I won’t, because you’re right,” she added.  
“What did you just say?” Gina asked in disbelief after a couple of seconds of shocked silence.  
“I said you’re right,” Nina said reluctantly. “Don’t make me repeat it a third time.”  
Not wanting to risk ruining the moment, Gina didn’t add anything. The wide smile on her face said enough.

Ten minutes later, Nina had traded her pyjamas for jeans and a sweatshirt and was now anxiously staring at the door of classroom 118A. Taking her time before opening the door, she thought about the last time she had been standing there. She remembered not knowing if Ricky would be inside. She remembered trying to convince herself that she didn’t care whether he was there or not. She remembered still being anxious as she had opened the door. And she remembered how she had felt when she had realized that Ricky was indeed there – relieved, even happy. He had called her cute and given her his beanie, and she had told him he could keep calling her Nini.

All this had happened just a couple of weeks before, but Ricky’s strange behaviour made Nina feel like that night belonged to a more distant past. And she didn’t like that feeling. She hated it, actually, and decided that she would do anything in order for it to be gone. She just wanted to go back to where they were before today.   
_But maybe that’s not possible_ , she thought. Her brain really was overreacting. She didn’t even know what had gone wrong between them in such short notice. Finally, she decided that no matter how scared she was, she wanted answers and she was going to get them. And so she grabbed the handle and pushed the door.

Unsurprisingly, Ricky was there, sitting at the same desk as always in the back of the classroom. The second he saw her, he got up and Nina froze as he approached her. She realized just in time that he wasn’t walking towards her but towards the door. He was trying to leave. To avoid her again.  
Ignoring the pain that this caused in her heart, Nina quickly shut the door before he could reach it. With a voice filled with confidence she actually didn’t have, she said “Neither of us is leaving until we’ve talked.”  
Ricky was hesitant, probably mentally debating whether it was worth it to keep trying to leave. After a few seconds, he sighed and turned around to find a chair. He still hadn’t really looked at her but her posture must have dissuaded him from trying to flee.

“You’re gonna have to tell me what on earth I did to make you _that_ mad, because I don’t get it,” Nina started. Her tone wasn’t exactly harsh but it wasn’t gentle either.  
“Feels familiar?” Those were the first words Ricky said to her all day. Nina resisted the urge to roll her eyes, deciding to take the fact that he was at least talking to her as a win.  
“Okay, fair enough,” she replied. “But I don’t understand, I thought we were past that.”  
Ricky was still not looking at her in the eyes and it was starting to be weird. On top of being very annoying.  
“Look, it doesn’t matter, okay?” he said. He started getting up, as if the two words he had said to her were enough for him to be allowed to leave.   
“Yes, it does,” Nina said as she put her hand on his shoulder, making him sit again. “You’re my friend!”  
At that he looked up, and for the first time of the evening Nina could study his eyes. Eyes that, for some reason, seemed to be darker than usual.  
“Friend. Right,” he said. He got up again, this time not letting Nina make him sit down again. “Well, I don’t need a _friend_ right now, or I would’ve asked Gina.”  
Nina frowned, hurt and confused. “What’s that supposed to mean?”  
“It means that I don’t want to talk to you right now and that maybe you should just go to your boyfriend!” Ricky shouted.   
Nina was so confused that she didn’t even tell him to not be so loud because it was past midnight and neither of them was supposed to be here. Her brain was trying to understand what was happening. She had no idea where this was coming from.  
“My _boyfriend_? Ricky, what are you talking about?”   
Crossing his arms defensively, Ricky stayed quiet for a few seconds. He seemed to realize what he had just said and was now regretting it.  
“You and EJ seemed to be getting along quite well earlier,” he finally answered, opting for honesty.  
Honesty that confused Nina even more, however, because she didn’t understand in what universe she and EJ were “getting along quite well.”  
“What are you talking about?” she just said.  
“You were laughing with him!”  
Nina arced an eyebrow.  
“And I’m not allowed to?”  
Ricky stopped in his track, his anger visibly fading away every passing second. “That’s not what I meant,” he asserted.  
Nina crossed her arms, processing what was Ricky had just told her.  
“So what you meant is that you’ve been mad at me all day because you’ve seen me laugh with another boy? That’s it?”  
She could read Ricky’s confusion on his face.  
“Well-,” he started, but quickly realized he had nothing to say. Because she was right. Of course she was. “When you put it like that…”  
Nina laughed a bit. “Okay, first of all, that’s offensive. Why wouldn’t I be allowed to laugh with a boy?”  
Her tone was light because she was glad to finally understand what was happening, but the question was genuine.  
“I’m sorry, okay?” Ricky conceded. “I let my emotions get the better of me.”  
Nina smiled. “What is happening to you, Ricky Bowen?” she said jokingly.  
Finally, Ricky’s lips formed the beginning of a grin, and Nina was so mesmerized that she gazed at him for a few seconds.  
“Second of all?” he said after a few moments, before things got too awkward due to intense staring.  
“Huh?” Nina asked.  
“You said ‘first of all’, which implies that there has to be _at least_ a second of all. Unless you’re not a consistent person.”  
“Oh,” Nina remembered. “Well, _second of al_ l, I can’t believe you were _jealous_. Of another boy. Because you thought I liked him. Don’t even try to deny it, you’re in too deep.”  
He was growing redder by the second, and she was just smiling dumbly, gently making fun of him.  
After a few seconds though, her seriousness came running back. So did her shyness  
“Do you like me, Ricky?” she asked with a little voice, staring at her shoes. A bold question asked in the shyest way possible.  
Ricky looked away briefly before fixing his eyes upon her again.  
“Yeah, I’m surprised you didn’t figure that one out the day I gave you my beanie.”  
Nina chuckled a bit, letting go of all the tension she hadn’t realized she had. She noticed out of the corner of her eye that Ricky was looking at her, smiling, but his smile faded the second their eyes met again. He looked away, embarrassed, and Nina realized that she hadn’t expressed how she felt yet.  
She tentatively put a hand on his cheek and rubbed her thumb over it. The gentleness with which she was doing it seemed to take Ricky off guard, if the look on his face was any indication.  
Slowly, Nina said: “Not that you would care or anything, but I like you too.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah”

This was the moment when they kissed in the movies. Everything would be magical and afterwards everything would be so simple.  
But it wasn’t a movie.  
And they didn’t kiss.  
Not because they didn’t want to, but because they didn’t know how. Nina had never really kissed anyone and Ricky was just… surprisingly shy.

So for a few moments they just stared at each other, nervously smiling, Nina’s hand still on Ricky’s cheek. Eventually, she broke the silence.  
“And, for the record, I wasn’t laughing with him at all. I was laughing _at_ him because he fell when I asked him to leave me alone.”  
Ricky giggled at her confession. “Really?” He still sounded insecure, as if Nina could ever feel about any other boy what she felt for him. “Really,” she assured, saying much more with her eyes than words could convey.  
Ricky, suddenly hit with embarrassment, buried his face in her neck and Nina heard a muffled “I’m sorry.” She still couldn’t believe that she had spent her night worrying about him hating her, worrying about _them_ , when he was just having a ridiculous fit of jealousy. 

Ricky’s breath on her shoulder was so comforting that Nina never wanted to let go, but he eventually broke the embrace. She immediately missed the warmth of his body and was about to complain when she realized that he has only stepped back from her to grab his guitar. Shooting her a mysterious look, he started playing a soft melody that she didn’t recognize. She wanted to ask him what song it was, but she decided to wait until he was finished (there was nothing she hated more than when people interrupted her when she was playing an instrument. So rude.) After a few seconds, he hesitantly started singing.

_First time I saw you  
I was in a rush  
Made a bad impression  
So you hated my guts_

It hit her from the first verse that it was an original song. She suppressed a giggle when she heard that last line, and he went on, unfazed.

_Put the past behind  
Became kind of friends  
I liked you in secret  
And you couldn’t tell_

Nina felt butterflies awakening in her stomach as he admitted aloud to liking her, and she realized that he hadn’t said the words earlier.

_But I let it show  
And now you know  
You’re the one I see  
Whenever I can’t sleep_

“Which is all the time, by the way,” he specified in his speaking voice, and she felt her cheeks becoming red.

_And now it’s only fair  
For me to share  
That I wanna hold you  
Yeah, I wanna kiss you_

It wasn’t clear to Nina whether the song was over or not – she got the impression that he would have continued – but it would have taken self-control that she didn’t have for her to _not_ kiss him at that exact moment. She cupped his face and delicately put her lips on his, giving him the opportunity to draw away if he wanted to. But he didn’t. Instead, he put down the guitar and circled her waist with his arms. Nothing had ever felt so warm and comfortable and familiar to Nina, and yet also so mysterious and exciting and new. They kissed for a few minutes, only stopping to fondly smile at one another. Nina finally discovered what it felt like to put her fingers in Ricky’s hair, and she immediately decided that it was the only thing worth doing on this Earth. Ricky, for his part, couldn’t get enough of touching Nini’s face and neck, gently rubbing his thumb against her skin.

After a while, the out-of-control butterflies in her stomach started to calm down and she became lucid enough to realize that they had been making out for several minutes and that it was probably wiser to stop. She reluctantly broke apart from her best friend and laughed at his discontent groan.  
“That was…” she started, looking for the right word to finish her sentence.  
“Breathtaking,” Ricky completed, and she nodded.  
After a few seconds, she remembered what had led up to this event.  
“Did you just come up with that song?” she asked, curious, and her grin grew wider when she saw him blush.  
“Yeah, kind of. Well, I had the melody stuck in my head for days, I even wrote down the chords, but I could never come up with lyrics to complete it,” he explained.  
“So you just invented them on the spot? That’s impressive.”  
“It was bad,” he winced.  
“No it wasn’t!” she protested.  
“You’re just saying that because it says that I want to kiss you.”  
“So what if I do? You know, I’ve never heard of a guy who writes a song on the go just to ask a girl to kiss him.”  
“Hey, let’s not get carried away here,” he said playfully. “I didn’t ask for anything I just said I _wanted_ to kiss you.”  
“Okay,” she retorted, playing along. “So you _didn’t_ want me to kiss you?”  
He laughed and extended his arm toward her. “Come here,” he said softly. She stepped closer to him, resting her elbows on his shoulders and linking her arms behind his neck, while his fingers grabbed the belt loops of her jeans. Their foreheads almost touching, she whispered “Guess I owe you a song now.” Unable to look at anything else other than her lips, he absently replied “Yeah, guess you do,” before pulling her into another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so my initial excuse on why it took me ages to post this chapter was that taylor fucking swift dropped a surprise album (folklore, at the time) and my brain stopped being able to be productive, but I think i’m past the point where any excuse would be acceptable (no shit, this chapter took so long that she had time to drop _two_ surprise albums)  
> so  
> i’m sorry for the delay  
> i hope it was worth the wait?  
> xx ailey


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